My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

January 31, 2008

depressing clip art


what kind of product would you use this image for?

“Bad haircut? Don’t worry, SuperCuts can make it right.”

Or this piece of hobo corn:


It looks like boll weevils got ahold of this ear. I’ve seen better looking panhandlers at the off ramp.

January 30, 2008

pre photoshop clip art

on monday I was passing by a warehouse getting demo’d. It was an old print shop and I found a box of this clip art and a bunch of old liquor bottle labels. I’ll put up more soon.

Clark, the cameraman from the truncated National Dinner Tour I went on, is working for this new company called moblogic. Give it a look and support him out there in New York. The clip is pretty funny stuff.


In this photo you can see the demise of Victorian style here in San Francisco. On the far left is a restored/maintained Victorian era building, in the middle is one that was covered over with stucco during that 1940′s craze for the stuff, and finally you see what people thought was nice in the sixties – clapboards. It is a slow loss of ornamentation that brought us to Modernism. I ask you, was it worth it?

cruel cruel internet

Here’s another example of my being mocked by strangers on the internet.
(scroll down for the comments)

January 29, 2008

i beat boing boing

I read boing boing every day, it’s my hero-blog. But I found something cool before them for once…

Antiques Sideshow

apparently not worth shit

George, who refuses to use her real name because of the disgusting nature of my website, lived a dream of mine a few years ago when she brought an item to Antiques Roadshow when they came to San Francisco. let’s learn together about her experience.

mrip: so how did you get onto Antiques Roadshow?

george: they pulled my name from a bunch of people who sent in a postcard. it was five years ago.

mrip: what made you want to go on it?

george: i love antiques. i was quite obsessed with the show. people didn’t understand my obsession. except for Rachel that’s why i took her.

mrip: were you obsessed with antiques or the personalities on the show?

george: ahhh…i like the stories.

mrip: where was it held?

george: the Moscone Center, the convention center across from the Metreon downtown.

mrip: what time did you get there?

george: god, i don’t remember. right after lunch maybe. you get in this line to get to the next line to get to the next line. there was a lot of people there, we got herded.

mrip: what did you see people holding?

george: what they were hoping was a ticket to early retirement. a lot of big furniture actually, vases, that stuff.

mrip: and what did you bring?

george: i brought this shot glass with a mini dumbbell fused to the bottom of it. its supposed to be the exercise of the drinking class.

mrip: what did you think it was worth?

george: i was hoping hundreds of thousands. i also brought this decorative plate that i got from a Chicago thrift store a long time ago when i was still in high school. this creepy older couple followed me around hoping I’d put it down, they followed me around but not too discreetly. i heard one say “keep an eye on her”, so i thought it was worth something.

mrip: was it?

george: “I don’t know, ten dollars. Next.” they made me feel as though I insulted them.

mrip: what was the crowd like?

george: i’d say we were some of the youngest.

mrip: were people trying buy things from each other?

george: that wasn’t allowed.

mrip: did you recognize the person who evaluated your item?

george: it was an elderly gentleman who didn’t have the patience and didn’t want to be in the middle of all that.

mrip: did it change your opinion of the show?

george: no i still love it.

mrip: having watched the show what made you think the barbell shot glass would be worth something?

george: put a picture up there and people will understand. plus I was 21 or 22. a 21 year old will understand.

January 28, 2008

happy pipes

This made me very happy

poor people have extra rules

turns out some houses do have that warning

January 26, 2008



San Francisco is a dangerous place. A Siberian tiger recently escaped from the zoo and killed a teenager. Which led us into a discussion at work: should we release more wild animals into the streets of our foggy city? It all seemed so thrilling. Waiting for the bus would no longer be boring as you scan rooftops for a flash of fur waiting to attack.

Perhaps that would stimulate the MUNI system to speed up service. No one would wait thirty five minutes in an unprotected bus shelter any longer – the risk of mauling would be too great. It would necessitate arrivals at five minute intervals. That’s the first advantage I can come up with. Second, we would be tougher than New Yorkers and Chicagoans combined.
Sure we are a gay city, a liberal city, a hippie city, but we’d have top predators like grizzly, panther and lion loose in the streets! And someone call Gavin Newsom because I just solved the “homeless problem”.
Alas, all we have to worry about in our little city is a mass murderer that can’t be shot down by a cop’s bullet, it’s just a killer Staph infection. How boring! Where’s the wild west? You can’t wrestle or trap and subdue this little bastard or mount one on your trophy wall if you have an encounter with it. It’ll give you a rash and a fever and eat your skin. Then your dead.
Is that gonna improve our city’s image like news of a pride of lions rushing Pride Parade devouring transgendered beauty queens and gawking breeders with baby strollers would?
Nope. So, to who ever’s in charge of these decisions, please consider my plea: release the animals.

January 25, 2008


A few weeks after Christmas the sidewalks become littered with dried up Christmas trees. We pile them up at the beach and burn them. One group of people had benches and tables serving gumbo and hot coffee along with a bag piper playing as the tree pile was ceremoniously lit. It was awesome.

the beginning of the rainbow


Papa Sean painted a watercolor, a medium he once despised. I think it is beautiful.

smokey the bear was a real live bear


Ari sent in this napkin she dates to her brother’s second birthday in 1977. Thanks Ari!

January 23, 2008

This is a fisherman wearing the German houseguest’s pink poncho while he shoots pool against a pro skateboarder. Nothing like life in the big city…

bee keeping movie

I’m on Current TV, a fairly new media outlet. It is available in some places as a cable channel and is also a web site. Users send in pods, short movies/interviews/commentaries. A more focused YouTube in a way.

It is strange to read comments about yourself that aren’t exactly flattering.

drugs prohibited

The Coast Guard requires the captain to post a notice that possession of illegal drugs is illegal on the boat. Imagine if your house required one of these as well…

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