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tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

May 26, 2007

C.H.U.D. vs M.A.D.D.

Today we will be talking about acronyms. Let’s not forget that computer language and text messaging did not invent this. F that. Americans, more than anyone on earth, create great acronyms. We have the longest phrases ever to be reduced to the initial letters, accept for one the soviets made,(third & fourth paragraph down) but the word and the system is obsolete, so we are the sole linguistic super power. Among other things.

Alina, a Polish girl raised in Germany by Flemish parents in a Spanish part of town, and who is fluent in any number of continental languages, asked me to tell her as many as I could think of, and explain them. She claims most European languages do not use them.

SOL – shit outta luck came to mind. In fact, a flood of them that involved swearing came to mind. A remnant of our Puritanical history, where we are afraid to utter dirty words?

RSVP- Repondez s’il vous plait. French? WTF? Why are we turning other peoples languages into acronyms now? We really love it! Or is it because American’s weren’t sure how to spell it out?

The most interesting one that came to mind was See You Next Tuesday, because it is an anti-acronym. The word cunt has been turned into an acronym, expanded out to mean something else, so when our acronym making minds hear it, we crunch it back down into cunt. c – u Next Tuesday.

This same word, cunt, people find so offensive they have found another way to not say it – Can’t Understand Normal Thinking.

I was working at Cumberland Farms passing out Scratcher’s to ravished alcoholics with brandy in their coffee when a construction worker got in my line and started telling me his woman troubles.

“She’s one of those women who Can’t Understand Normal Thinkin’ – otherwise known as A CUNT.”

So there is was. Hostess crumble cakes on the counter, 99 cent coffee in his hand, and those words hanging in the air. People get their change and go so it’s a quick turnover, but that guy’s acronym still haunts me ten years later.

There are lots of Rock n Roll acronyms, such as KISS – Kids in Satan’s Service, and AC/DC Anti Christ/Devil’s Child, Micheal Jackson’s PYT – pretty young thing – which turns out to be him baby talking to a youngster (repeat after me…nah nah nah, nahnahnahnahnah) and that Twisted Sister song SMF. Stupid…

So let’s keep our ears open for interesting acronyms out there this week, and try inventing a few and see if your coworkers can figure it out. OK?

p.s. Does everyone know who the title bout refers to?


  1. Chum Hungry Ugandan Dwarfs vs. Mad Angry Devil Dogs

    Comment by J landry — May 27, 2007 @ 5:25 am

  2. I didn’t think anyone would remember that movie about the Ugandan dwarfs!

    Comment by jon — May 27, 2007 @ 4:17 pm

  3. cannibalitic humanoid underground dwellers. that shit is REAL!
    motherfuckers against drunk driving – a division of the police force, I think


    Comment by matty — May 28, 2007 @ 1:15 am

  4. from wikipedia: this was funny to me.

    In the September 24, 1997 episode of The Simpsons, “The City of New York Vs. Homer Simpson”, Homer Simpson’s recollection of his first trip to New York City ended with “…and that’s when the C.H.U.D.s came at me.” Marge responds: “Of course you’ll have a bad impression of New York if you only focus on the pimps and the C.H.U.D.s.”

    Comment by sean — May 28, 2007 @ 4:11 pm

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