My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

Papa Sean made me a vinyll sign for The Great White. “Where’s the phone number,” you ask? Holding off on that till I find out if I’m operating an illegal trucking company.

Deep in the biotech colony of South San Francisco a new race of humans is being engineered. By human engineers. They want to look good. They’re only human after all. A series of service vans are contracted to provide necessities not found on the acres of manicured campus that houses the laboratorys and research centers ensconced in stucco and glass towers not far from the Bay. Perhaps a seagull occasionally wheels through the currents above but there are no merchants in this city, only developers. Footpaths hedged with shrubs link parking lots together but you don’t pass a newsstand. So the rolling storefront is born. Every Thursday you can step into a hair salon that gets 12 miles to the gallon. And the familiar tootling of a taco truck horn is of course nothing like the sound a hairdresser equipped to do nails has under the hood. Anywhere there is a captive audience there will be a sales pitch. The dreamer who trailers in a video game arcade with Galaga, a cocktail table Ms. Pacman, the machine that accepts ones and fives and returns quarters. This is that person’s moment. Those of you wondering where your next paycheck is coming, pay attention. This is an economic opportunity. Look beyond the stigma of a construction site lunch truck or that weird van at the beach selling tie-dies. What can you bring to the table? Or to be clearer, what can you bring to the office park?

photo posted from my iPhone
Paul is one of the first city beekeepers I met and has helped me a number of times with my hives. He’s a natural, hanging out by clumps of bees unperturbed, the King Aurthur style bee veil casually thrown back, a roll of duct tape…to close the seams of the “supers” so when he moves a different hive in the morning it won’t pop open, spilling hung over lady bees into his shoes. All just down the road from me in a hidden bee yard in the Golden Gate Park.
Paul lent me his observation hive for next week when I become Mr. Bees for a fourth grade class once again. It was a lot of fun last year, and a ltitle difficult to explain the sexual orgy the queen goes through. This year I’m gonna play a video.

There’s a new iPhone app that let’s you choose from a ton of beards and mustaches and hair styles and glasses and you can adjust them to your picture, all at a table in a bar! It looks so real, too.

So many things with wheels on them and no where to go. All dressed up but not a mirror in sight.

photo posted from my iPhone

My blog’s so swollen. And it has comments all over it. I keep hoping it will go away, but it’s been like four years now.

You’re looking inside the laundry room at the Four Season’s hotel in San Francisco. They had a crazy machine that irons and folds sheets, but I wasn’t allowed to photograph it. It comes from space. Not like space when you take stuff to Goodwill and get more room in your apartment. I mean SPACE. Like as in out there. Way out. Balls deep.

There were two bad accidents on the way to work this morning, and I kept waiting for the third one. What’s that magic number stuff all about? The day is over. It’s late. My blog is throbbing. Maybe Walgreens has an ointment. A liniment tincture. Or is there a homeopathic potion on Craigslist? I need options.

(or should the title have been, “bred by ai”)

new hampshire craigslist > farm & garden
brown swiss cow – $950 (contoocook)
Reply to: sale-mj4us-1077897444@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-16, 6:06PM EDT

6 year old brown swiss cow, bred by ai in january to a shorthorn. Has not been vet checked to determine if she took or not. Sweet girl looking for a home $950. Has only been milked by a machine hasn’t delt well with hand milking as she had some frostbite with her first calf and we had to pick off the scabs to milk her ( this has not affected her teats in anyway they are fine now) she just gets antsy when being milked. any questions feel free to ask.

Thanks to Poopies for pointing out what makes new hampshire so special to all of us.

photo posted from my iPhone

photo posted from my iPhone
His name was Brian and we hauled sheetrock up three flights of stairs. He’s from Chiapas.

photo posted from my iPhone

photo posted from my iPhone
Why are assisted living communities always 80 degrees? And cats everywhere.

from the craigslist post:
“Everything is in working order, plenty of tread on the tires and brake pads are fine. Only a rear brake on this one. Has scratches on frame from normal kids use but nothing is broken or dented. It is black and kinda hard to see in the photo, but well worth the $40 bucks for a bike you can ride away. It’s 12 inches from crank to seat post.”

Ian, the english accent guy who gets me work sometimes, paid me to haul off his son’s bike. I put it up on craigslist, and this is the following email exchange with someone about it.

Before we begin, let me remind you. I, like many other drunks, am very sensitive. That’s what makes me a tough guy. I’m ready to fight at the smallest perceived attack. Watch how psycho I get.

buyer: eh what’s up with your diamond back??? still got it???

me: still for sale

B: what’s with it, is it a viper with the diamond plate between the frame?? or is it something else??
what size inner tubes?? 20″ or 26″

Me: this is a 20003 kids bike from diamond back, 129 bucks new

B: i thought it looked like garbage, thanks… i hate kids bikes

Me:you’re grown up?

(five minutes later I feel like a douche for sending that email, so I send an apology)

Who ever you are, I apologize. I didn’t particularly want to hear my stuff be called garbage, but fuck it, this is america. say what you think.

B: in all truth, i must apologize, it’s not that it’s garbage, it’s a diamond back – i said it’s garbage as in it’s a kid bike – i can’t ride a kid’s bike, it’s no good to me, sorry if you mistook that – diamond back’s especially the viper is the king of all bikes, it’s just not what i was expecting to hear – but your right, it’s america so fuck it.. it’s still garbage compared to what I’m looking for, I couldn’t even ride that down a hill without it attempting to bust my shin’s open all the way down…. thanks for the reply – i’m trying to find a viper or gt performer to ride out to the city – down san pablo ave, down e14th, and hang it around the san francisco bay and back up… wish it wasnt a kid’s bike…

Me: That was a cool email. Thanks for leveling with me. I do have an old Hutch from 1986, which , if you want to have a productive argument, is the king of bmx bikes. I want 200 for it, and it’s ready to ride. Not all original parts, but all of the era parts. Kinda beat up, but worth more than 200.
If you don’t do Hutch, good luck in your hunt. Thanks for painting that picture of you cruising in style….

peace,
rolston

B: Thanks for not being to upset. I can’t ride a kid’s bike, I was hoping that the diamond back was the old school 80′s viper, all chrome hopefully just painted black and looking a bit off from the horrible perspective across the www. My brother’s got a hutch, or had one. Some one ripped
it off his porch. You know aside the rest of the folks strewn about the www, your the first person i had respond using the word fuck, or wouldn’t have even botherd. Thanks for the offer on the hutch though. I wouldnt mind finding my old mongoose I lost a while back, some one
got off my porch. I was in my house for like 14 seconds.. snatched.

laterzz

At the end I offer my name, and then slip in an offer to upsell. Sometimes, when I look back on what I’ve done, I don’t think I like myself.

Hard to read but that’s what the sign says.

was at a truck stop in south san francisco eating a Frosty Float at the combo Wendy’s Exxon Starbucks. You sit down at some tables in the gas station part, next to motor oil and bumper stickers. It felt like the rest of the country. I felt like I was in most of America instead of SF. Feels good sometimes, to get out and watch a drive thru entrance. How people squint their eyes and look up at a menu they know by heart. The burden of choice still weighing on their minds though, because they know what they want and they know they should order something healthier. So they sit there with an open mouth saying, “ahhhhhh…” as they look for a salad combo with french fries, or chocolate covered skinless chicken breast. Some new item that might not be as bad as a hamburger and shake.