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My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

January 15, 2010

the old menu’s on the new menu

has anyone else noticed the fake chalkboard menu trend? Here in North Beach they didn’t even bother take down the old one from the ’80s.

January 14, 2010

with ten people helping

photo posted from my iPhone

Today’s challenge? Build a 48 foot table for a corporate giant.

photo posted from my iPhone

January 13, 2010

but there’s four

photo posted from my iPhone

One clamp is holding a clamp from slipping off. The third clamp is clamped to a clamp so it would reach. It’s not major orthodontal surgery. Just fussing around in the garage.

January 12, 2010

The last of the hives has died. That cold snap last week must have KO’d ’em. This was a good hive, gentle bees, and they’ve been around three years at least. I gave my neighbor a swarm from this hive, I’ll check in with her and see if hers made it through. If they did, perhaps she’ll give me some brood and I’ll start again. This time I’m moving the hive to the roof, though. The backyard was too small to share with a bee colony.

Lot’s of honey left behind.

big brother is a computer

A cardboard warning sign is placed between the rim and the boot to prevent costly damage and lawsuits.

The minivan has a camera on each side of the roof that sees every parked car’s license and instantly matches numbers to a database at the DMV. Any plate number that matches the one on a list of excessive outstanding fines lets the two humans in the van know they must stop and put a steel “boot” on the wheel of the offending car. Is there a clearer case of man working for a machine?

January 10, 2010

where’d they grow this one?

reminds me of my weird great grandfather

Happy Birthday to my dear Mom, who turned another year beautiful and wiser yesterday. I love you Mom!

Back at the flea market today. This vision in a white mechanic’s suit came through and poked at some of the tools. Notice the two pairs of coke bottle glasses in the shirt pocket!

January 8, 2010

photo posted from my iPhone

Rus in his native element: wood bar, MGD on ice in a glass and a wild look in his eye.

giant jack off this afternoon

photo posted from my iPhone

January 7, 2010

hell yeah i’m 85

thanks to Daddy Mac for the tip

And I have tattoos and run a donit shop.

January 6, 2010

go for it

Jc’s face is obscured because I couldn’t ask his permission to take a photo

Girlfriend had a random guy ask to meet her for drinks via couchsurfer.com. So we met him and he spoke so very little English with a very hard to understand accent that I just watched the servers bring sushi to other tables. (I studied German in high school) By the end of dinner I offered him a place to crash for the night. He looked like he needed a shower.

He’s been here two nights and his stuff is still in my living room. I don’t know how old he is, or his name, (other than “JC”), or his phone number. I stopped trying to understand him. It’s impossible for me. I just point at food he can eat and go to my room and shut the door.

Well, there was one story. I think I understood it.

“I am 16 go Spain.” He motions with his hands like he’s driving. “Meet girl. Vou le vou cushay avec moi?” He say’s this in a girl’s voice. Then he shakes his head yes. He told that story three or four times before I came to understand, perhaps mistakenly, that when he was 16 he drove to Madrid and met a girl who had heard a certain disco song, which allowed him to have sex with her. It was his first time. Either in Madrid or having sex. I’ll never know for sure. (I took German in high school)

But the guys alright. He drove a van here from Minnesota and we sent him up onstage at an open mic. He sang two songs in French and sounded good. I was a guy in a van once myself. If payback’s a bitch, the bitch ain’t bad.

(I also took drafting)

junkies dig through this trash can

Picture 1

But Walgreens is too polite to say that.

January 5, 2010

learning together


You got finish carpenters you got rough carpenters and you got retards. I get to Eliot’s place to install 1/4 round molding to hide the distracting gap the old picture molding makes (see photo) but can’t figure out how to make the proper angle cut. So I’m the latter.

Lots of carpentry is on a plane. Not in the sense you are flying while you working, although some are. On fumes and what have you. I mean it’s one flat surface meeting another. Then today I had to figure out how to go to the 3rd dimension. I thought back to the last time I got there…smoking pot in a parking lot with Black Sabbath Vol 4 in the cassette deck. Would an outside miter cut have a solo? Glenn would know.

I”d heard Glenn the Carpenter talk about dimensional wood. Ergo, he must be clued in to the 3rd dimension’s aural properties. But just what is dimensional wood? Would it be a bass solo? I like bass solos.

Dimensional wood is a term used for lumber that is planed and cut to a standardized width and depth – but not length. Think 2X4. That’s missing a measurement that would give it a 3rd dimension – the length. We refer to lumber by its nominal dimensions, which are larger than its actual fractional size. So, it’s a two by four in name only (nominal) because the current standardized size of a 2 X 4 measures 1 1/2 inches by 3 1/2 inches.This turns out not be the key to the 3rd dimension.

Glenn the Carpenter was nowhere to be found, and it was Eliot who poured us a margarita and sat down at the table and said, “Baby steps. This has to be possible.”

I held my hand like the only angle the saw makes and Eliot spun the wood around as I made chopping motions until we figured out the proper way. And now the job is finished.

January 4, 2010

here ya go hawkeye


tried to wake this fellah up from the long nap but no luck. He was up in the insulation of that central heating job Cal and I did a few weeks ago. Conditions are just right in the insulation of a heat duct for mummification.

January 2, 2010



What are we gonna do with all these old donuts? Honeyglazed get all sweaty and ruined after just five hours. A plain donut gets an interesting crust by the next morning, but day three – forget it. By the time mountain dew was canned, it was no longer naturally refreshing. Some things are meant to be enjoyed immediately, such as donuts and cocaine. You don’t buy Sunday’s donuts on Thursday and you don’t buy coke “for later”.

So we got all these old donuts. We could recycle them. Soak them in tubs of water and strain off the sugar. Has anyone looked into dehydrating donuts for camping trips? Make Magazine might look for a repurposing project from its readers. I was thinking they’d make good insulation, but then there’s the rat and ant issue that would create.

Bait for lobster traps? Do crabs have a sweet tooth? Would horses be amenable to French crullers in lieu of sugar cubes? Is there a choking hazard I’m not aware of? Are the donut shops just too far from the ranches to justify the program?

There are some big problems we need to tackle in the new year. This one is probably on a different list. It’s probably on a “small problems” list. Or a “never considered it a problem but now that you mention it I guess we’ll have to write it down” list alongside “why are the handles on these coffee mugs so little”?

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