My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

I feel that this mustache helps set the story. I don’t have any pictures of sean or the prison.

Sean Ahern sent me a letter that explains life in the prison yard. He sent us the story about the prison cafeteria earlier. Read and learn some more:

“A long time ago someone told me that prison was “a microcosm of society”. Pretty fancy…so if you don’t speak fancy, a microcosm is just a little world of it’s own. I guess that’s true. It takes all kinds. Different strokes for different folks, variety is the spice of life and what have you. Nowhere is this more apparent than on a prison yard.

Tomorrow is the 75th Anniversary of the U.S. Penitentiary at Lewisburg, Pennsylvania. At the present moment we are locked down due to three incidents this morning. I’ll tell you like I told the investigators – I saw nothing.

I’ll refrain from trying to scare you with alarming tales of blood soaked boccie ball courts and horrifying horseshoe pits. All true. And if you look closely into this little civilization you’ll find frightening tales a’plenty of this nature.

Rule #1: Don’t go looking.

Oh the days of summer. The days I’d step from the weight pile, my muscles engorged with red American blood, a light sheen of perspiration on my tattooed skin reflecting sultry sun as I made my way past the alfresco tennis courts, past the handball revelers and to the beach volleyball court.

Perhaps this transcends the past. For me it does, for I am King of the Beach and today in the microcosm this patch of sand is Pirates Cove*

Perhaps today is the day Rachel Higgins* goes home with me. Who can help but notice my vicious serve screaming to the earth like a fallen meteor? My muscular legs elevating me above the net to deliver crushing spikes from my hammer-like fists? My biting wit as I browbeat dejected challengers? My rippling pecs? For these fleeting moments I am hero of the hoosegow in the microcosm.

The day winds on. Perhaps I’ll socialize with my biker friends. Both of whom are from rival motorcycle “clubs” that are at war on the street. Odd you say, but in here the diversity extends beyond the norm of regular society. Civilized society.

Here you’d be classified first by race, then by where you’re from and then your gang affiliations, if any. Just like the real world. Only smaller. I’ll leave it to the
Discovery Channel to explain the difference between this group and that group, segregated yards and other particulars of prison life. It varies from place to place, but Rachel Higgins never makes an appearance.

The yard can be an ominous place. What to wear? West Coast: socks up. East Coast: socks down. Maybe a wool hat with full prison greens in the summer? The choice is yours, but be aware many scoff at tight “canteen shorts”. Don’t follow? Well, picture Larry Bird’s (of Celtics fame) shorts in 1985 and imagine all the canteen you could “earn” in a pair of those.

Layers are the key to keeping warm in the winter. Remember. You can always take them off, but you can’t take off what you didn’t put on in the first place. The yard is open from 7:30 am to 10:30 recall and then opens again at 11:30 til 3:30. Following count-time the yard opens again at 4:30 recreation call and closes when it starts to get dark.

There’s a multitude of activities offered by the recreation department including basketball, flag football, softball, soccer, tennis, racquetball, hand-ball, and volleyball. Tournament activities are scheduled in tennis, racquetball, boccie ball, cards, checkers, chess, dominoes and table tennis. Music talent shows are scheduled throughout the year during holidays and special events. The fun never ends!

Maybe pumping iron is more your cup of tea? Well get pumpin’ tough guy. The yard features a vast array of weight lifting equipment that is conveniently tethered down with cables and welded together in hassle free configurations ranging from 60 to 405 pounds of free weight. Pull up and dip stations are close by. Let’s get physical! Build those prison muscles!

However you choose to spend your time in the microcosm is up to you, unless you choose to be King Of the Beach on the volleyball court. Then it is up to me.”

*a stretch of beach in tony Rye New Hampshire
* Rachel Higgins was a twin of Julie and the cutest girl in high school.