My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

2 ladies stopped by to tell me about the peaceful new world that’s coming. I had the stereo on in the living room and still it was hard to hear them they were so softspoken as they stood shoulder to shoulder facing me in the doorway. I had a drill in my hand, the 18 volt lithium ion battery operated one that has an impact driver. I was putting a bolt in the wall to hang a rams head off of. They rang the bell and I heard it only because I was in between impacting.

“In the year three thousand the earth will be healed from the damage humankind has acted upon it.”

“Hacked upon it?” I asked.

“Acted upon it. What we’ve done to it is has hurt it, but in a thousand years time this earlthly pollution we be removed and once again rivers and oceans will be pure, the climate will be back in balance…”

“Can I turn down the stereo? I can’t hear what you’re saying.”

“Of course.”

I went into the living room and set down the drill, turned off the stereo and put my t shirt back on. It had Redd Foxx’s face on it and said, “You big dummy”. That was one of his lines from Sanford and Son. The two women at the door seemed a little too young to know a 70′s sitcom first hand. Plus they were wearing ankle length blue skirts and white shirts with blue blazers. They didn’t seem like TV watchers to me. But you never know. That they were at my door meant they believed religion could find someone at any age, any step of the way. If they thought talking to me would be enough to change me, then perhaps they had come from equally modern life.

Perhaps the taller one on the left had come from a rich cattle heritage in the Midwest. She grew up eating beef 7 nights a week and grew tall and healthy. Every luxury was hers, as a spoiled only child in the bleak suburbs of flat heartland America she had an Olympic swimming pool in the backyard, horses in a stable, a sweet 16 pink Ford Mustang in the garage.

Now she was walking around my neighborhood in the perpetual fog and treeless sidewalks placed over former sand dunes. Her friend, (Maybe they weren’t friends. Maybe they hated each other! Forced to go door to door presenting a sneak peek at the peaceful new world that’s coming but actually hating how the other one looked, or that she wheezed going up hills, or made her knock all the time because her knuckles hurt.) her friend was possibly cuter, if only because she was shorter and hadn’t had her features stretched out.

They seemed like calm people. The relief that the earth would make it through had settled over them and they weren’t the type to freak out if you didn’t put a soda can in the recycle bin. They had the inner peace that comes from advance knowledge. In several hundred years we wouldn’t be buying tvs packed in non biodegradable styrofoam. That whole guilt trip would be gone. They probably didn’t even get disgruntled when mail came and there was that unnecessary plastic window over the address. The earth would be alright regardless.

I had my shirt on, pulled down all the way and straight and was back at the door.

“Wow. That is such good news. I want to thank you. Because I have been a little bummed lately, but now I realize I will shortly turn into an eagle and fly out over a field and any mouse I swoop upon and catch in my talons will not be a mouse that has nibbled on cast off Vanilla Coke 16 ouncers.”

At this point I took my t shirt back off because my wings were jammed up by it. I kicked out my legs and caught each woman’s face in my long claws and flew out and up into the sky with their arms holding onto the scaly part where the feathers recede and become eagle feet, and their legs kicked at the air as I flew higher up towards the sun.