My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

My mother bought me a Huffy Desperado from the hardware store in Stratham. The year was probably 1983. It’s been too many years since I lived in New England to recall the name of the store, but it was a Frenchman’s place.

The Desperado had a cream frame with a brown banana seat. The chain guard had a desert scene on it, featuring cactus and sand spreading out to the horizon. Ape-hanger handlebars and a kickstand my mother wouldn’t let me remove made this an incredibly uncool bike to have in the early years of BMXing.

Nathan Slocum was two years older than me, the youngest of eight boys. He was fearless of adults by seventh grade, drinking and smoking both cigerettes and pot. He was the best BMXer in school, able to do the highest bunny hop and even table-top off ramps.

My mother caught Nathan pushing my Desperado over, because I had used the kickstand. BMX bikes didn’t have kickstands because of the added weight they carried. I was inside the house getting drinks and Nathan was standing over the fallen bike in the dirt driveway. She asked him why he did it. He said, “Because kick stands are stupid.”

I don’t think my mother ever fully understood that.