My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

Finding a good vitamin is one of the key factors to living a good life. For me, this vitamin has always proven to be the most effective. It just gives your body what it needs and it doesn’t have all of those harmful side effects as all of the bad ones. It’s also one of the cheapest ones out there.

Got to build a fence for a guy, and those kids at home depot aren’t any help. I called an old guy from back east…

Kenny: Yessuh?

Me: Kenny! It’s Jon out in SF! What’s up?

Kenny: I prefer Ken.

Me: Hey, I’m building a fence. This guy’s getting a dog for his daughter and I wonder if you have any tips.

Kenny: Depends on the pedigree. Say he gets a big dog, you can space the boards farther apart. Cuss a big dog’s gonna jump higher than your toy dogs might do, so the lumber you save on the run gets spent on the rise. You followin’ me Deerskin? What kinda dog? Makes all the difference.

Me: Good point. Problem is, I don’t know what breed…

Kenny: Here’s what my stepmother always said – “smarten up”.

So I’d say sorry.

“Don’t be smart” she’d tell me. You figure it out, Deerskin.

Me: Smarten up?

Kenny: Don’t be smart.

I believe all my lost coats are in a coat check in heaven, but a bad part of heaven, where the angels drink.

A box of raisins. Really? In my lunch box? Everyone will know we are poor. Because raisins are poor people food. Grape juice is poor people drink, and when you spend 4 bucks on a fruit cup and it’s heavy on grapes, how do you feel? You feel ripped off. Somebody skimped and stuffed fluff fruit in your cup. All up and down the line raisins are an uncomfortable marker of caste.
Isn’t it weird then, that wine is so sophisticated? What is it that can turn this third world seed into first class status? Time. Time, more than anything, indicates wealth. If you can hold onto your grapes for 15 years as they age, then you have money. If you need to sell your grapes this season to pay for next season’s advance, then you are not rich.
Poor people have time on their hands, don’t get me wrong. They don’t, however, have it at their disposal. That is what separates the grape juices from the Bordeaux’s.

3 cents a pound, it adds up.

This is a paper buy-back yard. White paper, cardboard, magazines or mixed – each has it’s own price by the pound.

I didn’t have a telephone in my room as a child. To hear a different voice, I sang into the blades of the electric fan. If I could write that bit of nostalgia into a pop song, I’d be happier with it. Instead it lies here flat. We’re knocked down, supine, staring up at stars but never able to reach them. A writer believes words are a form of eternity, but our cell phones are removing the need for written language. We will do it all with interactive voice command so we can continue driving in circles across the city, learning about Thai restaurants in this neighborhood.
If all information can be queried, and all replies spoken, why do we need a written language? It is a transitory medium, much like BetaMax. Penmanship is going the way of the do-do bird, which went the way of the homing pigeon, and all we are left with is chicken McNuggets and an Iphone.

This guy is selling parts off his own truck to the scrap dealer….

There’s a small fraction of gold in a computer. 600 million people live in America, and perhaps 40,000 of them buy a new computer every year. If you could mine the gold in those shit-canned CPU’s, it’d be a lot cheaper than digging a hole in the side of a mountain.

That’s what this book is about. All you disenchanted coffee shop latte pullers and out of work designers should get out there and start cruising the streets for scrap metal. I’ve seen guys pull up to the scale in a ’98 Cutlass. Don’t matter. You got $300 bucks worth of copper pipe don’t matter how it drives up. Just get your cash.
There’s a stigma on working class. Too often they’ve been taken advantage of. Funny thing is, sucka, the IT guy working 50 hours a week in a polo shirt with the crew logo on the breast is the working class. Driving the avenues smoking a ridiculous blunt with Jay Z bumping and you stop at any street corner with a pile of shit on it, that’s some kind of reverse freedom no one understands. You’ll look broke and desperate to a guy who finally dared to call in sick and looks out his window at what happens in a neighborhood in the daytime, but who’ll have more fun with this argument:

What’s more important?

A. The Beatles
B. Monty Python’s Quest for the Holy Grail

The obvious subversive answer is, B. Have you seen the Holy Grail more times than you’ve listened to a Beatles album by choice? If yes, read on.

The Beatles sang covers and made stiff improv’s of “black” bands. That makes them revolutionary? Oh, then they smoked dope with Bob Dylan and changed their look. Big deal. The Rolling Stones at least embraced the Devil and weren’t singing about peace and love. The Stones went disco, country and every other thing to. But they aren’t experimental? The only good thing to come out of the Beatles is, apparently, George Harrison funding the production of Monty Python movies. That is an art form that attacked it’s own, rather than foreigners. I’ll support that as revolutionary. The Beatles were simply colonialists.