My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

September 4, 2009

believer’s only


How many tough guys deny themselves the pleasure of fruit because it’s too fruity?

Remember tough guys used to say, “if you can’t work on your car you shouldn’t be allowed to own one,” as they held the filter of their Camel pinched between grease dunked fingers? Well, maybe that’s why these old tough guys say today, “I’m not a computer person,” as they adjust their nicotine patch closer to their heart.

With that statement they admit times have passed them by. They are left changing oil on a car so wired to silicon microchips they can’t change the octane rating of their fuel purchase without screwing up a sensor.

Now consider the plight of RK, a high school chum who was smart and artistic. Not one bit of tough guy in him. These changing times have made him most capable of fixing his own car. He’s an IT guy. He makes things work, he jiggles wires and troubleshoots systems and understands the flow of the whole schematic.

The people who sit at their keyboards crippled by the failure of continuous jabs at Control Alt Delete cry out for RK to save them. Like a grime fingered guy pulling off the road to help a disabled vehicle twenty years ago, he’s a hero, he knows how things work, but for some reason the tough guy glory doesn’t translate to IT.

Perhaps he could start smoking at work, laying a six pack on the Boss’s printer as he pulls up his pants and crawls under the desk to check the cable’s are connected. Amazing how many people call him before doing that much themselves.

Perhaps if he called the peripherals a cunt as he shook them when they didn’t work, he would begin to feel that blunted frustration of a tough guy. Would the swagger that comes from punching stubborn equipment make him love his job? It is doubtful. For some reason RK is tired of his job and unrewarded by it’s processes. Becoming a tough guy is no cure. But stepping out of the corporate structure may work.

The mattress store is empty and For Lease is written in large red letters in the window. The economy knocked the shit out of a lot of us, but the mattress discounter is not going to die because he lost his job. Why would RK die if he quit his?

I don’t know the full story of the mans life, his pressures, but I saw the dead batteries in his eyes. I ask everyone who really feels drained, is your job killing your spirit? Then Control Alt Delete. Force Quit. 90 percent of the world is poorer than you and smiling more. I want a faith statement from at least three people by five o’clock today that they’ve taken their job and shoved it. I’ll send each of you a My Robot Is Pregnant bumper sticker. Good luck.

8 Comments

  1. Hang in there, RK. You are totally a tough guy. IT can be tough on the soul, by nature. At least if you have to desk jockey a little you get to talk to people.

    This actually reminds me of a story where some of RK’s family got stranded in the Boston area because someone pulled a critical computer chip out of their Toyota Camry. That was probably 20 years ago, if I have the right memory. I remember at the time being amazed that the whole car could be disabled in such a manner. Anyhow, looks like IT was crawling into cars way back when we were young’ns. I definitely prefer an engine I can crawl inside and take a wrench to. Not because I would actually do it but because I can at least conceive how I might do it.

    Comment by Lyle_s — September 4, 2009 @ 12:06 pm

  2. Jon, you already know part of my story, without rambling too much I will tell you the real deal:

    SINCE I QUIT MY JOB I’VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY !!!!

    Of course times are harder now and I don’t have that regular pay check to rely on. However the benefits of not having to answer to anyone else are infinite !
    Freedom baby freedom.

    Comment by Poll — September 4, 2009 @ 12:34 pm

  3. it’s not the keyboard that was hurting me, it was the “Spiritcrusher” who they made my boss, who I had to train.

    good riddance!

    Comment by n.d.p. — September 4, 2009 @ 10:42 pm

  4. Huffin is bad

    Comment by poop — September 5, 2009 @ 4:12 am

  5. Jon-

    Quite my office job and left NYC this Spring- now I’m back in Durham, NC waiting tables again with little money and lots of free time. I feel so good! Hallelajuh!

    Comment by Eric Waters — September 6, 2009 @ 11:30 am

  6. Maybe it’s unfair to talk about RK without letting him know and approve/disapprove in advance, but but when I quit working at the junkmail factory, I felt that same freedom you all describe. i want him to know it’ll be alright, if he wants to do it. If not, I don’t think badly of him. Just trying to give encouragement.

    Comment by Rolston — September 10, 2009 @ 11:26 pm

  7. As a regular reader of MRIP, I’m surprised this one passed me by.

    No, it’s not unfair to talk about it without my approval, I actually found it encouraging – as you intended. This isn’t an uncommon theme in many people’s lives. Hopefully something useful could come out of it for someone else, too.

    It’s not surprising how the tough guy does not apply to the IT guy. The IT guy is not generally portrayed in magazines and in Hollywood as “cool”, or “burly”, or “tough”. The stereotype is mostly true, though, contrary, I HAVE been known to call a computer a cunt. It seemed to work.

    ndp pointed out that someone else contributed to the demise of the job, not the actual work. Very true! I like work/ing. But I’m not wired for this corporate environment.

    I’m ready for that feeling of freedom. I can taste it. It’s near. Thanks Jon. Fortunately these batteries are rechargeable.

    I’ll tell you though, walking out of here on my last day, as I swing open the door onto the street one last time, will make me feel like a tough guy, even if for a fleeting moment.

    I present to you a link to a trailer for a documentary film. A guy that my friend used to work with made it after being laid off. I encourage you to watch this if you are at all having any of the feelings described in this post:

    http://lemonademovie.com/

    (And thanks Lyle for believing I’m tough, and yes, your memory of the chip stolen out of the car is correct.)

    Comment by RK — September 17, 2009 @ 4:26 pm

  8. RK will walk, he will stand and he will stomp the lemons all the way to his creative life ahead! (cue “i will survive” )

    Comment by molly — September 20, 2009 @ 7:34 am

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