My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

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i’m learning how to tuck my shirt in, and store a change of underwear in my underwear!

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The instructions won’t mention ironing your carpet at home.

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Wondering what I mean about the lie? This is the actual piece of furniture used in the photo you see in the high gloss catalog that comes to your door. Using camera angles and lighting and expensive computer software, you end up feeling a sense of desire to own this very object.

Wound up in a Dockers brand meeting last week while eating box lunch from Specialties at the installation site. Took some notes. They were gearing up for a cross functional walkthrough and then splitting up into regional work sessions. Wrapping it up with hindsight meetings to assess which stretch goals were met and which were not, and why.

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back to creating lies this week. The economy must be recovering. Or maybe they figured out a better lie.

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Why make all the lines white? I honestly couldn’t figure this one out.

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Went out to the country to see Rusty yesterday. Big hay delivery and wood’s blocked up and seasoning. Got a bucket for a Massey Ferguson out there with a for sale sign on it. In the desert you sell shade, there’s always a market where ever you go.

I sat down at the folding table inside Rusty’s office, he draped a blue terrycloth towel over it years ago as a table cloth. Never once washed it since. The nap is beaten down and gives my forearms the impression they’ve stuck to it, but they haven’t. He needs some bills written out, and there on the notebook of blank invoices and the matching duplicates, white yellow white yellow, are a pair of tweezers, nail clippers and a dental tool you pick up in a little box by the register at the hardware store.

Normally I find used Q-tips while doing his billing. I’ll move a pile of receipts and I gag slightly when the crudded up thing appears, both ends black with general grime and a chunk of burnt orange wax dangling off.

“Rus!” I yell. He does a shuffling laugh and picks it up, then puts it back in his ear and twiddles it around while he thinks about numbers or the address of the next bill.

This time the stainless steel tools are right on top and he says, “Let me move those for you. I had a couple ah’ dingle berries I was trying to get out,” as he scoops them up and walks back into his quarters.

I snap on the desk lamp and adjust the folding chair. It ain’t easy gettin’ old.

Most of this was painted with a roller. The black outlines were done with a small brush. Sophia helped.
This is taking forever. Got most of the outlines done today. Took six hours. At the paint store they sold me on the new style of roller for paint. Used to be everyone used the 9 inch long deals that were big around as a roll of electrical tape. Or three hot dogs tied together. Or the same diameter as the fat end of a wiffle ball bat.

This is the old style of paint roller. Notice the amount of infrastructure required to house the nap itself.

Now, witness evolution. They have become thinner than a single hot dog. Sean even calls them hot dog rollers, maybe because they are about the same length, although a little less thick, and probably healthier to eat. It makes sense, and perhaps Lyle the mathamagician can back this up, having a very thick-in-diameter paint roller doesn’t put the paint on faster or thicker than a thinner diameter roller. It just costs more in material to manufacture and ship, and takes more display space on store shelves.

The new roller is a single piece of metal.

So our generation gets to witness an advance in paint application, and who among us has taken a minute to really appreciate that? Is this the only blog to note it? Are you gonna say no one cares? I don’t believe that. It affects us all, all of us who live in homes with crummy outdated color schemes in our bedrooms, any of us who have to move out at the end of the month and need to touch up some walls to get the security deposit back. Paint is like the glue that holds pictures in photo albums, but your house isn’t an album, unless you think of rooms as pages, in which case, the glue is actually paint because you hang pictures on the wall, and that wall has been painted.

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If this wood tied around my truck works again tonite, I’ll get my name up tomorrow morning.

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needs at least one more coat of white, then I do the lettering. It looks weird now but as Sean taught me, when I put in the outlines it all comes together.

The plan for tonite is to lean plywood against the truck and tie a giant lasso around it so they don’t bomb it.

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If the fuckin assholes will stay in bed tonite I’ll get to put my name up there tomorrow in a big white cloud instead of painting over their dumb shit. I’d try to stay up and watch it but I sleep through anything.

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I felt bad for my neighbors so I called Earl Scheib. 900 bucks to paint this thing white. Only to be tagged again. So I went to the paint store and spent $190 on metal exterior paint. First I sand it, then prime it, then two coats of blue. Then I’ll put my name in a big white cloud. I had an extra 20 hours to spend, why not save some money?

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I’m slowly repairing a kitchenette set I bought for $50 bucks. Lots of parts need glue and clamping. It all needs a polish. Some will need repainting. I’ll keep you posted and see if I can sell it for more than I paid once it’s done.

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I’m sick of Internet connection problems. How come I receive signals from down the street but not in the damn hallway?

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We had a sidewalk sale in front of Dougs the other day. As you can see in the background I’ve given up cleaning graffiti off my truck.