My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

September 20, 2008

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So yes. I hit a firetruck. It’s been a crazy week. My truck got broken into, my nose got punched and the cartilage has kind of shifted, I got two parking tickets to the tune of $100 and then I hit a firetruck. It was in North Beach on a Saturday night, rows of people at tables outside at the bars and here I come trying to squeeze by this fire truck and all of a sudden “BAM”! I BAMMED a firetruck.

I didn’t know what the hell the noise was. “BAM!” I stop the truck and look behind me. Oddly enough Engine Number 2′s ladder truck door is jammed into the fender of the box truck and my side view mirror is dangling upside down.

The fire chief comes over mad as a five alarm in the gorilla exhibit. “What’re you THINKING? We’re here on an EMERGENCY RESPONSE!” Smokey the Bear never gave us city kids any advice. I was tempted to stop drop and roll under my truck and run away. You should have seen the dirty looks from the bar patrons.

“He hit a fire truck! He hit a fire truck!”

I stepped out of my vehicle and they looked at me with a viciousness only found in human eyes. Like I’d run over a little girl and was laughing about it as I went through her pockets looking for candy to steal. There was some confusion apparently. Everyone thought I’d driven right into the bright glossy red vehicle with the yellow lights flashing all over it and reflective safety paint demarking the town and company. “SFFD Engine Two”. As far as warning devices, only the siren was not functioning.

I didn’t exactly drive into the 38 foot long steel monster. Some brave firefighter opened the door into oncoming traffic (me) without looking to see what was coming. At this point many things could have gone wrong. His head could have been smashed in. My arm, had it been dangling out the rolled down window, could have been cut off. I could have had a heart attack from the surprise volume of that “BAM!”

None of it did. Everyone was fine. No one was hurt. We all have insurance. None of us were drunk. I think only one of us was high.

5 Comments

  1. fire alarm?

    Comment by mr, pooperlooper — September 21, 2008 @ 1:42 am

  2. Ya shoulda set that fuckin truck on fire, fuckin pompous, overpaid, overbearing, lazy assholes.
    Yeah, yeah Iknow we all need firefighters, I agree on that front, but these SF firefighters ( not Fire “men” oh no – too many fuckin self rightious broads around for that shit), anyhow, I know we need ‘em, but do we need their fuckin’ attitude ??
    I know a good few firefighters, at least a half dozen and while they’re all pretty okay as individuals they all agree that thay have the best fuckin job on the planet. Who knows what they get paid nowdays but I do know thery only “work” once or twice a shift at best.
    Yes, yes I know they risk their lives to save victims of fires, sometimes, but soldiers, marines, airmen, sailors, coastguards, and even the odd cop also risk their lives. Do we have to get attitude from these guys, I think not, except the lonely cop that is.
    Fuckin’ firefighters – more attitude than cows got cunt.
    Fuck ‘em.

    (Unless my home is on fire that is).

    Comment by Poll — September 22, 2008 @ 6:52 pm

  3. well, that’s quite a strong opinion. A minority one I’d say, judging from how many people wanted to have their picture taken with the fire fighters (all men on this team) while we waited for the cops to show. If I had knocked that guys head off we can assume I would have been beaten to death in the street. The crowd was against me.

    Comment by Rolston — September 22, 2008 @ 10:28 pm

  4. The public also seem to believe that Harley Davidson make good motorcycles.
    I rest my case.

    Comment by Poll — September 23, 2008 @ 7:49 pm

  5. Don’t they treat an attack on a fire truck like a direct attack on the American Flag? I’m surprised the angry mob didn’t skin you alive.

    Comment by millar — September 24, 2008 @ 3:01 pm

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