My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

San Francisco is a dangerous place. A Siberian tiger recently escaped from the zoo and killed a teenager. Which led us into a discussion at work: should we release more wild animals into the streets of our foggy city? It all seemed so thrilling. Waiting for the bus would no longer be boring as you scan rooftops for a flash of fur waiting to attack.

Perhaps that would stimulate the MUNI system to speed up service. No one would wait thirty five minutes in an unprotected bus shelter any longer – the risk of mauling would be too great. It would necessitate arrivals at five minute intervals. That’s the first advantage I can come up with. Second, we would be tougher than New Yorkers and Chicagoans combined.
Sure we are a gay city, a liberal city, a hippie city, but we’d have top predators like grizzly, panther and lion loose in the streets! And someone call Gavin Newsom because I just solved the “homeless problem”.
Alas, all we have to worry about in our little city is a mass murderer that can’t be shot down by a cop’s bullet, it’s just a killer Staph infection. How boring! Where’s the wild west? You can’t wrestle or trap and subdue this little bastard or mount one on your trophy wall if you have an encounter with it. It’ll give you a rash and a fever and eat your skin. Then your dead.
Is that gonna improve our city’s image like news of a pride of lions rushing Pride Parade devouring transgendered beauty queens and gawking breeders with baby strollers would?
Nope. So, to who ever’s in charge of these decisions, please consider my plea: release the animals.