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tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

December 18, 2007

hella southern gentlemen challenging each other to hella duels

“I shot the sky so it will fall on your head.” He was a little kid, pointing a plastic green gun at me. Bang bang. Ha ha.

I swung a backhand that knocked the gun to the floor.

“Don’t pull a gun unless you intend to use it, kid.” His mother started to protest.

I pulled a small .38 with mother of pearl grips out of my pocket and shot her.

“Here’s another tip. If people know you carry a gun…” and I pulled a SigArms 9mm out of my other pocket and cocked the hammer, “…carry a second one.” And I shot the kid dead.

8 Comments

  1. that’s hella poetry, mang!

    Comment by johno — December 19, 2007 @ 10:12 am

  2. you’re using “hella” all wrong.

    it’s hecka bugging me.

    Comment by CooCooCatchoo — December 19, 2007 @ 4:56 pm

  3. I’m curious to hear how I should have used hella correctly. That was something I heard someone say. That post was in fact three different quotes I heard last week put into one story.

    But the hella quote, in context, a paddlewheel boat goes by on the bay and I say to this guy, “looks like Mark Twains coming”, and he says, well, you know what he said. He said, “there’s probably hella southern gentlemen challenging each other to hella duels on there.”

    I’d love to hear your opinion on what exactly is off. Is it not to be used in place of a lot? Can’t it be used in exchange for “very”? How about the kid at the gas station i heard say, “I hella forgot.” Is that right?

    I wicked hella don’t know myself.

    Comment by Rolston — December 19, 2007 @ 9:11 pm

  4. Ok, ok, so I think the quote in context makes sense. The “There’s probably” makes the difference. I read it very straight.

    I think it was that missing bit, plus it probably sounded different than it reads: “There’s probly hella southurn gennelmen challengin’ ea-chother to hella duels on there.”

    And yes, you’re right: “Hella” = “a lot of” or “really” (as in “very/much”). What people are actually saying when they say “hella” is “hell of a lot of”, but you probably figured that out.

    Ex: I’m hella tired; She’s hella ugly; There’s hella fools in that car. = I’m a hell of a lot of tired; She’s a hell of a lot of ugly; There’s a hell of a lot of fools in that car.

    So when it’s used in a context where “hell of (a lot of)” wouldn’t make sense, it sounds off.

    “I hella forgot” sounds like forgetting on a grand scale, I guess. I wouldn’t say it, myself. Maybe I’m just old but it doesn’t make sense because how can you “hell of a lot forget”?

    It sounds like the kid was saying “I hella forgot” the way I say “I totally forgot” or “I completely forgot” which I guess is ok.

    No “wicked hella”. It should be “hella wicked”.

    “I stayed up hecka late to watch Planet Earth and this crazy-ass bird in Africa was doin’ this helllla crazy mating dance. Man, it was hehhhcka crazy! It was doing this hecka weird thing with it’s feathers.

    It was hella wicked.”

    Comment by CooCooCatchoo — December 19, 2007 @ 11:06 pm

  5. is wicked is new england for hella? on the surface, they seem to be interchangeable. where hella translates into “hell of a lot of”, wicked translates to “extremely”.

    using coo coo’s examples: I’m wicked tired. she’s wicked ugly. there’s wicked tools in that car. (out east they’re tools)

    i’m extremely tired. she’s extremely ugly. there’s extremely tools in that car.

    directly translated wicked works better with the first two and hella sounds more correct with the third and vice versa.

    “hell of a lot of tired” and “hell of a lot of ugly” are a stretch.

    maybe they’re not as interchangeable as once thought. they can coexist.

    we’ve established that wicked can be used as an adjective and an adverb.

    how about hella?

    is wicked more versatile?

    Comment by sea n — December 20, 2007 @ 5:12 pm

  6. In the midwest I think we’re still using helluva. We haven’t leaned it out, yet.

    Comment by Lyle_s — December 20, 2007 @ 7:08 pm

  7. i like helluv ugly.

    Comment by sea n — December 23, 2007 @ 8:40 pm

  8. Some people say hellof. Doug for instance. Some East Bay thing.

    Comment by Rolston — December 23, 2007 @ 10:37 pm

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