My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

I haven’t had any trouble with the police in san francisco in all the years I’ve lived out here. I can’t say that’s true of back east. Last night the cops came for me in a cruiser up a bike path in the golden gate parks’ panhandle. When I finally pulled my ten speed over, I told them I was John Thompson. And I told them all kinds of other lies. Like “I don’t have my I.D. with me.” I had been reading on some websites that I’m not required to provide my I.D. to the police.

They couldn’t find my fake name and date of birth/address in their computer, so they started to arrest me. The one cop pulled out the cuffs and had my arms locked behind my back while the other put some rubber gloves on and went through my pockets.

“You’re going downtown until we determine who you are.”

So I didn’t say anything until the rubber gloved cop put his hand on my wallet on my inside coat pocket. Then I was like a little canary, aka stool pigeon.

“Ok. I’m lying. My ID is in my wallet right there in your hand.”

Now the cops were even more pissed. Not only had I run a red light on a bicycle without a headlight, now I had broken one of those penal codes with numbers a dash and letters. Willfully providing false information to a police officer. A misdemeanor. And running the red light is a motor vehicle infraction even when you’re on a mid 80s Bianchi road bike.

I just wanted to go home after a pal’s birthday party downtown. Running a red light on a bicycle at 4 am is not something I want to be detained for. Moral of the story? I should have ran.

I’m at the dump once or twice a week out here in San Francisco, so it was only a matter of time before I saw one of these there. The guy who directs traffic told me someone had just taken the X with wrist restraints home with them. This isn’t the Greenland dump…

The letter arrived. But more than a letter, it was a manila envelope. I tore it open just trying to imagine what Dante, the graphic designer, had done with the words “My Robot Is Pregnant”.

Here is what I saw.

This is what I pulled out. I stopped to look. I wondered if Dante had gone crazy. He was speaking his own language. R.U.R.? and + -? Dante said himself he was 76. Many people live much longer than that and are very cognizant. Dante was crazy. What should I expect from an internet friendship?

But then my good friend Sean says to me, “Did you google R.U.R.?”

Suddenly this thing starts to make more sense than I even knew. Isn’t that the way with old people? They speak a language richer than our own. R.U.R. is the origin of the word robot. Googling + – didn’t help, but now I’m sure it means more than I know. Is Dante referring to a pregnancy test? My R.U.R. is +?

I reread the letter he sent, and his wife, bless her heart, must not speak Latin either. But I pieced together, “I’m responsible, wicked responsible, robot is +-.”

Now I’m starting to think Dante is a psychedelic character, down with Mr. Leary. I can’t wait to have dinner with him and find out where he is coming from. He is truly a wild at heart free spirit, and those types are hard to comprehend at first, but if you give them a chance, you understand they are saying something very important.

Mr. Dante, you are cordially invited to San Francisco for an Italian dinner. Thank you so much for sending me these.

Here’s a chance to do something good: Al, having just sailed with his wife from Oakland to Connecticut via the Panama Canal, is raising money for prostate cancer research by growing a mustache.

Like this.

By growing a mustache people will ask Al about it, and he can segue into other manly topics like prostate health. Unfortunately Al is having a little trouble getting started.

So to help him out, I sent in 18 dollars in his name. Would you like to help? I drew up a fundraiser meter, and would love to see everyone pitch in enough dough to bring the temperature up to 96.8, so we know Al has a healthy internal climate. We’ll be using the anal-meter this time and we want to hit the prostate, so get out your checkbooks friends and send in some money, then post your total in the comments and I’ll update the drawing.

Here’s the pitch from the man himself, R. Allen Carey:
Hi All,
During Movember (the month formerly known as November) I’ll be growing a Mo (slang for moustache, or just stache if you want). Cora and I will be taking pictures DAILY of my best and only stache ever. So if you would like to be included in daily email updates please reply to this email.
In case you’re wondering, I’m bringing the Mo back because I’m passionate about men’s health and the fight against prostate cancer. Why…

* Prostate cancer is the most common non-skin cancer in America.
* In 2007, more than 218,000 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer and more than 27,000 American men will die from the disease.

To sponsor my Mo (moustache) and fight against prostate cancer please go to http://www.movember.com/us/donate, enter my registration number which is 123199 and your credit card details. Or you can sponsor me by check made payable to the “Prostate Cancer Foundation” clearly marking the donation as being for my registration number: 123199. Please mail checks to: Prostate Cancer Foundation, Attn: Movember, 1250 Fourth St, Santa Monica, CA 90401.
All donations are made directly to the Prostate Cancer Foundation which will use the funds for high-impact research to find better treatments and a cure for prostate cancer. The Prostate Cancer Foundation is a 501(c)(3) organization. All donations are tax-deductible to the full extent permitted by law.
Why should you support me in this? I think I need to do this since we are all getting a bit older and my understanding is when we all turn forty (which is all too soon) we need to get the treatment from the doc every year. That’s right, we will have to bend over and take it like a man.
So help me grow the best mustache I can and fight the good fight! This November I can gonna look Mo-betta.
Allen Carey
More info is available at www.movember.com.

It wasn’t so long ago I showed you good folks the perfect yard sale sign ever. Turns out it was designed by a man named Dante, who has since been emailing with me. I asked him to design a sign for My Robot. Here is his reply:

Hi, Jon,

I am willing to try something for “My Robot is Pregnant” but I warn you. You are giving me more credit then I deserve. As I was reading your comments on my work I was saying to myself “Is this guy talking about me”? Really, Jon, I am afraid I will disappoint you. Let me tells you a couple of things. I am 76 years old. I started drawing things in kindergarten. I continued my sketching with chalk on the streets. White chalk. During the war there was not much traffic in the streets of Milan. Once the street was full I had to wait for rain to clean up and start again. People were looking from windows and making suggestions “Dante!, make her boobs bigger” “Dante her legs are too short” on so on. Move forward to 1955. We are in Venezuela and I got a job in an advertising company. In 1958 I moved to the USA to study commercial art. I was quickly faced with my limitation as a artist. Two year later I was back in Venezuela with the same company. But, there is always a but in life. I had fallen in love with a young woman in Chicago and I had fallen in love with the USA. so, I came back here, got married and move to California to follow my dream to become a movie director. I failed as a director, but, I was working in a medium I loved all my life. Movies. Love that started with my first movie. “Steam boat Willie” I did not become a director but I work in this “Industry” from 1966 thought 1997. I painted a little and draw a little. I had a good life and I still have a good life. You lift my spirit with your unexpected compliment. Now you know. I will do what I can with your proposal. Be warned. My daughter had to pay for my work and you will have to do the same. 1 good Italian dinner.
Ciao

I had a yard sale today, which has left me feeling pretty worn out…

nothing worse than heading out the wrong night for trick or treat…

the name of this ship was the horizon consumer. It was docked here in SF, down where all the new construction is happening. A whole former warehouse district has been removed and a genetic engineering campus is being built.