My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

photo posted from my iPhone

Was back at it in the original junk mail factory today. Instead of my old job of moving stacks of mail order catalogues around, they had me in the machine shop belt sanding excess glue off the printing press plates. Saw a lot of old friendly faces and enjoyed the way my mind gets to work when its freed up by assembly line work. Take for instance the jig. Seems to me the jig is responsible for most of our problems because it allows mass production. MacDonalds built a hamburger jig, WalMart built a price chopper jig, the Republicans built a fear jig and they’re all making millions while the sense of hand built artistry is stomped on. But those factory jobs sure give you time to think about a revolution. Nothing’s all bad.

Have a couple more memories from the hour and forty five minute drive north yesterday. Passed a telephone pole with a “Vallejo Gun Show” sign nailed to it, and just below that was a different announcement, “Beat Foreclosure – We Buy Homes”. Every boom cycle someone buys up a bunch of farmland and tries to make their fortune in a development project. Then like a drought on crops, when the fortunes dry up the foundations planted in the soil don’t grow up into big healthy homes and people are cursing the lord for not taking care of ‘em.

There was a cross in the North East, made out of clouds or more likely some Piper Cub pilot. It looked like it was calling us out of San Francisco to come find the Lord in the country. We got to Davis and Fisher, who was along to help with the move, showed me another cross, one that caused an uproar in town. People complained that the cross could be seen from the highway. Well why not, they need to get it as high as the McDonald’s golden arches if they want to compete for our dollars.

Sometimes I think I’ll move to the country myself, and be good again, be nice for a few years before I die, so in case there is something to all this religious stuff I won’t be sorry. But I’m never ready to quit all this sinnin’, even when the drugs have me thinking I’m about to die, or the sex makes me think it’s gonna kill me. It’s like that gambler said, “You gotta get up and change tables and you gotta set a limit.” Or else you end up dead in the city that keeps on sinning.

photo posted from my iPhone
Dixon. Aka dickskin. Know for tomatoes this time of year. East of Vacaville its tomato harvest time. Trucks pulling double hoppers loaded with tomatoes rumble up and down the 80. “Watch out for a small spill. A patch of tomatoes is like ice.”

Red ice. The Dixon killer. They grow alfalfa out that way, a lot of sunflower, feed corn (which we called cow corn back home). And lots of lamb.

photo posted from my iPhone

photo posted from my iPhone

photo posted from my iPhone

Moved a gal an hour and a half north east of San francisco. Nothing new nothing old. Its just living.

A long time ago Mr. Hawkins and I were strolling along the quaint cobblestone back streets of historic Portsmouth New Hampshire with probably a 36 pack of Natural Ice in our communal stomachs. I had never been in a fight, and I was curious how it worked.

Without warning to my companion, as two strangers approached us under the cast iron street lamp, I grabbed one’s shirt with my left hand and punched his face with my right hand. Being new to the sport I landed a few blows then took off running, not at all sure what to do since the man was still standing and I had given it my best. The two gentleman were a little upset and there was Mr. Hawkins standing there by himself.

When I didn’t hear any footsteps chasing me I stopped to assess the situation. Mr. Hawkins was actually running not too far behind me with two fellows chasing him. I think all three of these men wanted to catch me and beat me at this point. When Mr. Hawkins took a quick corner around a parked car, he bumped it and hit the sidewalk.

Ask yourself what you would do in that situation. Normally you would go back and defend your fallen comrade who has no idea why you even attacked the two men in the first place. As I said, I was new to the sport and not at all confident I would be of any help to Mr. Hawkins. I was stumped. I stood my ground to consider other options.

Now the two men were up to Mr. Hawkins and taking their time kicking him on the ground.

“Help!” He cried. It was then I noticed the red fire alarm box on the telephone pole next to me.

“Help is on the way!” I yelled confidently as I pulled the white lever down and alarms rang out across the block.

I’ll always respect Mr. Hawkins for not being mad at me for all that. Yes, he mocked me many times over the years, and occasionally, when we get in a tough spot, like hitting a fire truck, and no one knows what to do, I’ll hear his voice as though he were right next to me, and he says, “You could always pull the fire alarm.”

Sean, you just blocked Briar.

Sean invited me over to his third birthday. “There’s gonna be a jumpy castle and I’m getting a Princess cake.”

I know what a jumpy castle is, but I had to ask about this cake.

“It has all the Disney princesses…Snow White, Cinderella, you know…”

I was a little confused about it. Sean’s 36 years old. Why had he had only three birthday parties before? Maybe he was Mormon and had recently quit it. I know he drinks liquor. That’s not very Mormon. So I bought a bottle Wild Turkey 101 and wrapped it up for him and stopped by this afternoon.

There were a lot of kids running around and Sean was very excited to see me and it was kind of weird to see the giant inflated pink castle in the backyard but I figured Sean was catching up on some missed childhood experiences so I didn’t say anything, just handed him the bottle all wrapped up.

I only intended to drop by but stayed about an hour. At one point I asked why he hadn’t opened the presents yet, since I saw I had missed the Princess cake cutting.

“Nowadays kids don’t open presents till after everyone has left. It’s so no one feels bad about not spending as much as the next person on the gift.”

I thought that was interesting. “When I was a kid, I tore into presents right after cake. And I’ll tell you right now, Wild Turkey 101 is $21.99 at the Safeway,” I said.

It was about then that Sean and I realized my misunderstanding. So I want to apologize for that, and wish Briar Moon a happy 3rd birthday!

photo posted from my iPhone

This is the inside of the hive that the yellow jackets overran. (Alina called them goldcoats and that sounds friendlier to me). The honey bees got chased out and the goldcoats (yellow jackets) moved in, eating every baby, honeycomb and cell of pollen in the whole two level hive. It took them about a month. The other three hives are quite strong and can repel any goldcoat attacks.

So yes. I hit a firetruck. It’s been a crazy week. My truck got broken into, my nose got punched and the cartilage has kind of shifted, I got two parking tickets to the tune of $100 and then I hit a firetruck. It was in North Beach on a Saturday night, rows of people at tables outside at the bars and here I come trying to squeeze by this fire truck and all of a sudden “BAM”! I BAMMED a firetruck.

I didn’t know what the hell the noise was. “BAM!” I stop the truck and look behind me. Oddly enough Engine Number 2′s ladder truck door is jammed into the fender of the box truck and my side view mirror is dangling upside down.

The fire chief comes over mad as a five alarm in the gorilla exhibit. “What’re you THINKING? We’re here on an EMERGENCY RESPONSE!” Smokey the Bear never gave us city kids any advice. I was tempted to stop drop and roll under my truck and run away. You should have seen the dirty looks from the bar patrons.

“He hit a fire truck! He hit a fire truck!”

I stepped out of my vehicle and they looked at me with a viciousness only found in human eyes. Like I’d run over a little girl and was laughing about it as I went through her pockets looking for candy to steal. There was some confusion apparently. Everyone thought I’d driven right into the bright glossy red vehicle with the yellow lights flashing all over it and reflective safety paint demarking the town and company. “SFFD Engine Two”. As far as warning devices, only the siren was not functioning.

I didn’t exactly drive into the 38 foot long steel monster. Some brave firefighter opened the door into oncoming traffic (me) without looking to see what was coming. At this point many things could have gone wrong. His head could have been smashed in. My arm, had it been dangling out the rolled down window, could have been cut off. I could have had a heart attack from the surprise volume of that “BAM!”

None of it did. Everyone was fine. No one was hurt. We all have insurance. None of us were drunk. I think only one of us was high.

Just hit this firetruck with my big white truck. Actually as I passed it, some firefighter swung open the door and ripped my mirror off which dented my truck further back. Waiting for the cops to come and get the report.

photo posted from my iPhone
anybody know what these things on his rims do?

I joined a band since The Flagpoles never practice anymore. It’s Bedtime Story and it’s quiet moody rock. You can see by the photo of Scot up there that they needed another member in the band since he has to play two guitars.

People say, “Rolston’s got a big nose,” and I’m like, “I can hear you. I’m standing right here! My nose isnt big, it’s well proportioned for my face.” And then I get in a fistfight and its like trying to protect a boat trailer hanging off my head.. So I lost the fight last night. The weirdest blood came out of my nose, too. It looked like the miscarriage my ex showed me. You can’t ever forget that. Liver like. Glossy viscous chunks.

Today at three thirty I’m interviewing a local congresswoman about impending legislation that requires recyclers to be licensed. This is part of the pod Fisher and I are shooting about cardboard recyclers in the city. I have a set of knuckle marks on my forehead and a crust of blood in my left nostril. Thank god for bangs and camera angles.

I went to Vegas two weeks ago with my friend Alina. We were going to compare Vegas to Reno, find out why one became a success and the other one didn’t. Reno has a terrible reputation; it’s turned into a national trucking hub and a down and out crapshooters last stand while Vegas has become a national convention center and family vacationland that also by the way condones 24 hour drinking, gambling and sex for money. Stars go to Vegas, burnouts go to Reno.

I’m gonna share a transcript of an interview Alina and I conducted at a booth in the Denny’s across the street from the Flying J truck stop just off highway 15 in Las Vegas.

It might read a little odd, I’ve included every word, every stumble. Listening back makes me realize how much editing goes into a radio interview. We speak terribly. And I never got the guys name on tape…let’s call him Big Trucker, or BT for short. He was wearing a tan t-shirt and had been up to the buffet for seconds many times. A lot of truckers are kinda heavy, eating is a comfort to all of us and there seems to be a lot of loneliness on the road. He hadn’t shaved in a few days, his beard was salt and peppered. He sat down at our booth across from Alina and I, smiled, folded his hands in front of him up on the table and was happy to talk. So thanks, Big Trucker, where ever you are today!

Jon: You are a truck driver?

BT: Yes I am

Jon: So we’re talking to people about Vegas. Do you live here?

BT: No I live in Beulah Montana.

Jon: Ohh, and how often do you come through Vegas?

BT: Every once in a while I come through, yeah but this time I’m stuck here, I got here Saturday night and I’m stuck here, hopefully I can get out tomorrow.

Alina: Why are you stuck?

BT: Well I was supposed to go down deliver yesterday in California but what the load I got on, they stopped me at the bug station, yeah, I ‘adda turn around come back out of state

Jon: Whats the bug station?

BT: It’s ahh. We call it bug station… agriculture check station for the state of California

Jon: You got bugs on your truck

BT: Yeah, pretty much yeah (laughing) actually I got a load of ears of corn.

Jon: Okay.

BT: And they found and they took ahh…they opened…cracked the seal…opened back end of the truck, went up on top took maybe ten or twelve ears out put em in a bucket went in the…..office tore em apart found some bugs.

Jon: ooohhhh….

BT: That’s not good.

Alina: So what’d you do being stuck here?

BT: Oh nuthin much I just went over yesterday, last night for supper I went over to ahhh uhhh you know that casino down here about a mile down the street here.

Jon: Silver Nugget?

BT: No I uhhh

Alina: Cannery?

BT: Yeah Cannery yeah. I couldn’t think of the Cannery, yeah it was Cannery. Eat supper there, played a little bit, came back here to the truck.

Alina: Did you win?

BT: Nooo I lost.

Jon: Now do you think, so a lot of people think Vegas has a reputation for sin what do you, do you think that’s true?

BT: mmmmmm …. yeah there’s a lot of it out here

Jon: uhhh .. tell me about it.

BT: Well there’s there’s girls walkin, walk the truck stops every night, so…

Jon: But isn’t that most every truck stop you can find that?

BT: ohhh..well not, well most your big cities, like, well not big cities but ahhh, Ontario, California’s got two truck stops, and one of ‘em’s full of of ladies and uhhh Las Vegas. I don’t know about, it’s been a while since I’ve been in Reno but ahh a TA* there in Reno there was, last time I was there. It varies from state to state.
*(Travel America truck stop chain, also an old slang for Tits and Ass. A coincidence? You decide)

My phone rings. Alina answers it, a guy from Craigslist we had talked to earlier, offering a ride to San Francisco from Vegas the next morning but we have already found a ride leaving today. She talks to the rideshare as I talk to Big Trucker.

Jon: We’ve been trying to hitch hike out of here, it doesn’t really work.

BT: Yeah it’s hard man.

Jon: Most truckers wouldn’t take someone right?

BT: No most of ‘em won’t because of what happened in the past er (this is how he says or) they’re afraid to and some of the companies won’t allow riders.

Jon: Okay.

Alina hangs up.

Jon: So we’ve so we got the little computer on here, (I show him my iPhone) and uh, been puttin’ out craigslist, are you familiar with craigslist? Do you do much computer stuff?

BT: No I don’t.

Jon: It’s like an online bulletin board where you can ask for rides from place to place…

BT: Oh is that right…

Jon: So we got a ride back to LA. Supposed to be comin’ any time now. So we’ll see. Just a total stranger.

BT: Yeah I hear ya.

Jon: So and we give ‘em gas money they take ya’…

Alina: So do you like Las Vegas? How is it for truckers?

BT: it’s alright…I don’t do much gamblin’ ya know but other than that its a nice little town like last night I stuck five dollars in just to see what would happen. Five minutes later I walked out the door. (laughs)

Jon: You lost five dollars

BT: I lost five bucks. (still laughing)

Alina: But you had some fun.

BT: Yeah, I did yeah . yeah

Jon: It’s it’s it always seems like the first five bucks you put in you win and then, then you start feeling lucky but you’re not .

BT: Yeah yuh, uh uh, no.

Jon: So you always, you always haul the same sort uh, I mean are they gonna throw this corn out? What…

BT: I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I talked to one of my dispatchers yesterday or Saturday, yesterday morning, they said they might have to ship it back where it came let them deal with it.

Jon: That’s funny.

Alina: What are the differences between the truck stops in Vegas, and do you have a favorite one to go to?

BT: Truck stops you mean? Just happened to be the closest one here other’n the TA, well TA doesn’t have a restaurant, they’ve got a Burger King uhh Taco Time and Subway, but I like to go to a sit down restaurant you know, set down and relax, most the truck stops anymore’s got that fast food, nnn I just don’t really like it.

Jon: It looks like they’re openin’ up a restaurant at some point but not yet.

BT: Yeah not yet no uh uh.

Alina: So is flying J is usually like the biggest one? The biggest truck stop?

BT: Yeah there’s Petrol (Not sure exactly what he says the name is) too they got a pretty good decent restaurant there too but I just that’s about six miles up here the road but I decided to stay here so, cuz I don’t know where they’re gonna give me ahhh drop this load here er take it on up to Northern Cal uh Colorado where it came from so..

Jon to Alina: Were we gonna go to San Francisco tonight? Is that what that guy was saying – no, he was going tomorrow morning.

Alina: I don’t remember

Jon: Sorry we’re trying to figure this out. He’s the guy that wanted to go tomorrow morning, right?

Alina: Yeah

Jon: So it’s not really worth it?

Alina: No.

Jon: So we were’ gonna, I told you we were gonna hitch to Reno, but we kinda gave up.

Alina: Do you think its possible these days?

BT: It’s possible but its hard.
Alina: Yeah? Why’s it so hard?

BT: I guess what happened quite a few years ago that they’re, the truckers or anybody’s ‘fraid to get – to pick up any body in case of ya know… ahhh, they think might what would happen to them, ya know, like get murdered er er something like that so that’s my idea, cuz they’re afraid to pick up anybody.

Alina: Would you be afraid?

BT: ohhh … if they looked half way ya know decent, no I wouldn’t.

Jon: So you wanna go to Reno?

laughter. followed by awkward silence.

Jon: And it’s probably.. We were kinda nervous to like stand out there with a sign cuz it seems like the cops….

BT: Yeah they’re pretty strict about that I think too…

Jon: People at the truck stop itself…

Alina: They are? So would they arrest us if we tried to do that?

BT: I don’t know if they would. They’d probably talk to ya and find out where you’re goin’ and what you’re doing in the state you know and why don’t have any… I have no idea so that’s probbly what they’re saying trying to figure out so…

Jon: You see people hanging around with signs trying to get places at truck stops?

BT: Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah I see quite a few people wanting… sign says ‘help me I’m homeless’ and all that…

Jon: Yeah

BT: There’s organizations that help em like uhhh uhhh I can’t think of any right now..

Alina: But hitchhikers. So what’d you know about the road from here to Reno? Is that a road that truck truckers even go?

BT: There’s Highway 50. That’s a long straight road. There’s truckers that travel that but there’s nuthin’ out there to break the scenery up, like little towns anyhow? Theres nuthin’ out there, it’s just a long stretch of highway.

Alina: So highway 50, not highway 95.

BT: 93 not 50. 93. Runs from out there towards Heli. (I don’t know what town he’s talking about.) Theres a few. 95. I haven’t been on 95 fer too long. There’s truckers out there that run 95 but uhh…

Jon: Any road you take’s probably gonna be empty I guess.

BT: Yeah pretty much yeah.

Jon: Nevada’s pretty…have you driven through Nevada much?

BT: Well just across 80 and 15 here.

Jon: Okay. Seems like there’s probably not much in between.

Alina: (prounouncing Nevada “Neh-vadd-ah”) Nevada.

Jon: She wants me to say “Nevada.”

Alina: No its not me its the people who are from “Nevada” want you to say “Nevada”. (I pronounce it “Neh- va -da”)

Jon: But I’m not from Nevada, I’m from New Hampshire.

BT: You got that eastern accent.

Jon: Nevahhhda. How do you say it? Nevada?

BT: Nevad-a. Yeah.

Jon: And he’s from Montana.

BT: Yeah.

Jon: So you would know because you’re closer.

BT: Oh just like guys that aren’t from Montana pronounce our capital Helena (Hell-een-ah) but its not, its Helena. (hell-en-ah)

Jon: Its Hellenah?

BT: Its Hellenah.

Jon: Oh, I didn’t know that.

BT: It’s Helena Montana.

Jon: I woulda said Helena too.

BT: (He laughs) Yeah and theres like theres a few of them like Spokane Washington, they say it “spoken”.

Jon: You don’t know.

BT: Yup you don’t know.

Jon: Take your best guess. How long you been trucking?

BT: About 22 years. 22 23 years.

Jon: thats a career.

BT: I got 6 more and I’m out of it.

Jon: Oh yeah?

BT: Yeah

Jon: How long you been with the same company?

BT: 11 years

Jon: Where you retiring too?

BT: Montana. Staying home. Got things I gotta do, wanna do. I travel a little bit, not too much. I like to fish and hunt. Do a lotta fishin’.

Jon: Thats the right state for it huh?

BT: Yeah it is.

Jon: Well alright, i wanna thank you for your time here.

BT: No problem.

Jon: Any last thoughts on Vegas?

BT: If you wanna see shows and stuff, bring lots of money. I was gonna go see a show over there last night and I said, well, I’ll wait till it comes out on video. Ten bucks a ticket? I don’t think so.

(our ride calls and is standing at the cash register in front)