My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

photo posted from my iPhone
Came out at nine this morning and my old rusty sawzall case had found a taker.

Tis the season for a wicked cleanout in the garage. There’s a big old tax deductible donation out by the fire hydrant on 30th if you’re willing to stop and haul it to Goodwill. Two chairs, a red fruit bowl, a few 8 x 10 framed photos of 1960′s fraternal lodge councilmen, leather pillows, they’re gonna put quite a scenario together down at the trailer where you drop ‘em off. Guess I’ll take a photo in the morning. Bet none of it’s left. Totally forgot to take the picture of the pile at the start. Must be cuz of the dry old joint I found while cleaning up.

The deck of cards idea was good, but its gonna be hard. I spent about sixty bucks on Bombay Saphire martinis on this chick and she still wouldn’t take her shirt off.

Here’s part of a non traditional christmas gift I got this year. One of the many models from a deck of “models of all nations”. All were white women on the same shag carpet, holding some stereotypical cultural artifact from another land.

This is for Luke, who worked New Years Eve at the front desk of The Phoenix. He wanted a nice long story for the new year. That didn’t happen. I’m not sure why I think this 1868 advertisement from Harpers will make up for it.

photo posted from my iPhone
This is the abandoned military hospital about twenty blocks from my house. They’ve knocked down two wings and are leaving the main structure standing to be converted to housing. I’ve had some great adventures in those old empty halls but I suppose it is time to put it back to use.

This is from a 1956 Mad Magazine. Someday I’ll make a spoof of a modern grocery circular. Or flyer. Or whatever you call them.

by request, unless i misunderstood the request….

Stop me if I’ve already put this up. I can’t remember. I can’t even remember where this came from, but it is an envelope with a description of an old pulp fiction novel on the outside. A review of sorts. A letter grade. Unfortunately only a C+ for this one… Inside are the steamy scenes. It’s like a greatest hits album on paper. It’s like the highlights reel. It’s like one of the best things I’ve ever found cleaning out someone’s garage.

Mr. Hawkins sent along a little taste of New England. Thank ye.

There are some that I know that feel like I only care about money. That everything I have is for sale and nothing is sentimental. But I bought myself something last night, a book fat like a tuna can full of Jack Spicer’s poems, and as I walked out of the store with the hard covers in my hands pushing back against my grip I thought I might even build a shelf for it.

The Collected Poetry of Jack Spicer.

Jack Spicer is dead, dead at 40. Dead in the 60′s. Gay in the ’50′s – an era not even our poets could be homos. A dead drunk died from drink. He wrote poems he claimed couldn’t leave San Francisco. He had an ethos outside his work, which is what makes him interesting to study.

He was a San Franciscan poet in a time when Poetry mattered. He ran a salon where Ginsberg first read “Howl”, the opening words of which I put into Archie’s mouth yesterday. My years at San Francisco State were spent looking for these figures, so I consider building a shelf in my house to hold my diploma, so to speak. The poets revealed to me. Jack Spicer’s book. A Gottfried Benn collection. Jimmy Santiago Baca’s latest.

I gave up the MFA program. Sitting in class one day I looked around at my misfit classmates:

The kid who wore suits and cowboy boots and wrote poems like automated spam content and then set them to schematics such as wiring diagrams. It became an exercise in the visual. They were poems in the least traditional, there was no meaning in the words. Textual art. A guy looking for something to do with a dead medium.

Then the guy with a great long blond mustache that busheled down his face like the men in old photos who wore top hats. He carried a naturalist’s torch lit with Buddhist incense. He went to the Sierras and counted frog populations on Spring Break. Built cabinets and surfed in the cold Northern Pacific Ocean.

An older woman who wore perfect makeup and wrote wonderful timeless poems, accessible, natural. We aren’t a goddess society. We don’t venerate our elders. What I could have learned from her I passed over in my search for hotshots and pretty girls who would let me tongue poems across their clitorides*.

There is no longer a sense of the crowd, an audience, in academic poetry. Perhaps it is the Poetry Slam movement that has created this divide. It feels gaudy to MFA students. Like Karaoke.

We were students with ideas we couldn’t place into a larger framework. We were an isolated pack in the fallout shelter. 80 students in the program. No one had the idea of presentation.

We were entrenched in a system – sitting in class rooms we’ve come to know since first grade. A chalkboard, student desks, a teacher’s desk. That is the familiar crowd we all played too. So what if a progressive grad student had us arrange desks in a circle? We read poems like piano recitals for Mom and Dad in the living room. “Very nice Johnny”. “You’ve really improved, haven’t you?”

There was no grandstanding, no one stood to read. No one picked out an outfit that matched their quatrain. We were good students. No one brought a pistol to class. Poems for poets. Girls who wore purple. Boys who wore capes. Classmates with a feather in their actual hats. Overweight girls who had stacks of journals in their closets. Gay men lamenting the decline of Greeks.

I gave up. The whole dang shebang. I didn’t want to be a slam poet either – graffitti street culture hip hop references were just another club to join. I gave up the day I looked around Maxine Chernoff’s* classroom and saw an association of Bigfoot hunters. A school studying a debunked mythos.

As I wrote tough guy poetry, (my attempts to speak like a dumb angry brutal man who might someday cry- I wanted there to be hope), as I wrote my poems I felt like a guy in a shaggy rented ape costume running in front of a camera set on a tripod out in the woods behind a high school. “This will look so real!” I told myself.

I brought poetic footage to my peers in the classroom and showed them evidence of a tough guy in the wild. Like a Bigfoot convention, like people staying up late to catch Art Bell talk to aliens on the AM radio waves, we were a congregation of already believers.

“Very good Johnny.”

My Ponzi scheme is still in action, I bought in for two years sold to a dreamy undergrad at a small profit. He’s probably sold his boxing poetry to a guy from the Midwest who thirsted for the belief San Francisco confers on it’s emigrants. He will write about hitting women.

Spicer said:
“The ghosts the poems were written for are the ghosts of the poems.”

The dead the poems were written for are the dead poems.

I don’t know if what I said is what Spicer said. When I try to understand something, I say it a different way than its been said to me. How that helps I don’t know.

What I’m trying to say is I don’t write tough guy poetry for the Bigfoot Hunters anymore. How you’ll say that to yourself so you understand is something else I don’t know. I bought a book last night because I still believe. That much I know.

*plural of the Greek for “little hill”.
*Department head of Poetry at SFSU

let’s hold hands again and make love like you weren’t a conquest. i won’t try to impress you, i’ll put on a corn husk mustache and farm boots and talk about plowing as i lay my weight upon you. you can mock me and tell me my crooked seeds can’t swim. “i’m jumpin’ in your swimmin’ hole nevertheless darlin’” i say and we shut up and do it.

photo posted from my iPhone

What with Rusty Sunshine staying too long at the Pioneer Saloon and backing over the town’s Nativity scene, we know Santa didn’t bring him this ’53 Deere. Must’ve gone out and bought the damn thing hisself.

This looks like it is down on Fisherman’s Wharf, with Coit Tower in the background. Does any old-timer out there know why there was a glass walled pool there? You’ll notice everyone is wearing jackets because SF is never pool weather, and these people seem content to stare at the empty box of water. Perhaps it is their first encounter with such a thing.