My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

June 15, 2012

we refuse the right to service anyone

We have our first stalker at Mixed Nuts. A young Asian girl, maybe 20. Slightly plump. Black glasses, long black hair. Wears shiny windbreakers, jeans and sneakers.

If you see her in the store, tell her to she aint allowed in and be ready to call the police.

I caught her stealing a piece of chalk and asked her to leave. She said, “I’m taking a break. It’s 6:55.”

It was 6:55. We stay open late to catch the dinner crowd. It was an interesting response. This girl lives in the neighborhood and has been in before. In fact, she was here twice already today before this last and final visit. She picks things up and puts them down elsewhere.

We keep a small notebook by the register to write down items folks are looking for. She signed three different names in it.

Max L. – UCSB
Nicole Quist
and the last, switching up from her crude block letters, in jumbled cursive,
Jaenno Leule Le…incomprehensible.

Last week she was in, and acted like she was stealing my business card. Took it and shoved it in a pocket really quickly with guilt.

I got a text that night at 12:30

“Hey. Good night.”

A number I didn’t recognize. But I have my suspicions. I didn’t reply.

She’ll be back and it’s gonna be hard to tell her she isn’t allowed in here, because she is crazy and defiant and young and again, unstable.

Wish me luck!


  1. Wow! If you worked for a corporate store, like me, you’d have the pleasure of going back through the CCTV footage to capture a still image, writing up an incident report, and forwarding it all to your district manager and loss prevention manager. Stuff like this happens every week, it seems. We actually have a binder full of past weirdos. But the thing about corporations, they make the paperwork so scary that the actual threats feel insignificant; this is, in its own way, kind of comforting. When it’s your own business, the threats must feel a lot more personal.

    Comment by Winston — June 15, 2012 @ 6:29 pm

  2. Wow a real person read your blog, responded with a relevant comment and actually has a cool blog of their own. Nice going winston.
    You should invite her to be a sign board holder on the sidewalk. Maybe her insanity will attract customers?

    Comment by al — June 16, 2012 @ 6:52 am

  3. would you hit it?

    Comment by Anonymous — June 16, 2012 @ 9:28 am

  4. great review here anyway thanks for posting a valuable one again…

    Comment by Cauani — June 16, 2012 @ 9:53 pm

  5. I’m going with choice # 2 : Nicole Quist
    that’s got a nice ring to it.
    (please answer Anonymous’ question for me…?)

    Comment by george — June 17, 2012 @ 12:13 pm

  6. First of all, I’d like to thank so many of you for noticing how great my layout is. Black type on white background is post analog while still being digital. Amazing, I know. I have tips on plug ins for hackers as well. But wait till christmas time, please.

    Second, Winston is a man, Al. Oh wait, you mean the crazy girl should be a sign holder. I get it. That is actually a great idea. Hire her to promote. She has no problem going into businesses and acting like she belongs. We could probably get her into a local newsroom.

    Third, would I hit it…The thought crossed my mind. In the way you are immediatley attracted to a woman in a cast. Or a wheelchair. Is it because you would be a hero in their eyes, by loving them in spite of their setbacks? I don’t know. Then I remembered the last crazy woman I had a relationship with, and the trip to the police station that resulted. So I kicked her out of the store. Actually, I was really scared to be alone in the store with her for that very reason. she might cry rape.

    Since you ask.

    Comment by Rolston — June 17, 2012 @ 3:20 pm

  7. She might cry rape, but only a man who was accused would think that way…. Maybe we should invite her to comment on your blog?

    Comment by al — June 17, 2012 @ 8:21 pm

  8. Hey respect your efforts take a look of mine

    Comment by world of warcraft gold — June 18, 2012 @ 3:29 pm

  9. Don’t mess around with a girl with multiple personalities. Even if one consents, the rest will plot to kill you.

    Comment by Lyle_S — June 18, 2012 @ 7:46 pm

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