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My Robot Is Pregnant » not for my parents to read

My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

September 20, 2011

not for my parents to read

An old friend came to town from New York, where she works as a nurse delivering babies. She asks incoming parents, “Have you made a decision about circumcision?”

“The worst answer,” she tells me, “is ‘Yes, of course. I think. Right honey?'”

San Francisco made the wacky liberal news for trying to ban circumcision for any male under 18 years of age. Isn’t that crazy? Why would you ban that?

Well, let me speak frankly. I’ve been circumcised. My penis is no longer an errogenous zone. I must think about killing my girlfriend in order to have a climax. Sexual intercourse is not sufficient stimulation. A doctor cut away a large part of the sensitive tissue on my sex organ. Now I have to use my mind. Fucking your wife with your mind isn’t what nature intended. The poor women must endure this insensitive inchoate jackrabbitting while you, the man, conjure up what it must feel like down there meanwhile imagining sexy thoughts from lingerie catalogs

“But look how long I can last,” says a friend. “If I wasn’t circumcised, it’d be over in 30 seconds.”

That’s exactly the point. Lasting all night means your penis is basically a wooden mallet that you hammer away at with. Is this what God intended? Oh, let’s not bring God into it, because that invites religion as well. And this whole thing is a religious thing.

Or is it? “It prevents disease,” say the supporters. For 90% of males, if you wash your penis regularly and correctly, you won’t have any problems. The fact I never have a urinary tract infection is not worth the trade off of needing a crack pipe, streaming porn with six windows open, and a length of rope tight around my neck in order to ejaculate.

UTI’s are common in women and they deal with it by drinking cranberry juice. I can drink juice too. It would bring me to a better understanding of their pain if we shared this common ailment.

I’ve used some hard language and portrayed some rough scenes, but we are talking about sex and I only have a few minutes. My circumcised penis has led to a general deadening of human emotions. The most delicate, intimate touch has been removed and all is now slaps and grunts, shoving things into place and guessing what will happen.

11 Comments

  1. I guess the censors only liked some of my comments.

    Comment by al — September 21, 2011 @ 12:27 am

  2. People stopped commenting so I stopped checking. I guess I missed the shear pin reply. It’s up for the world to see. Thanks for joining back in!

    Comment by Rolston — September 21, 2011 @ 6:45 am

  3. Thanks for your honesty. Male and Female Circumcision really makes no sense. That’s a decision adults should make themselves when they get their first tattoo. I’m glad this topic is finally out of the back alleys and we can talk about it like grown-ups.

    Comment by oggy — September 21, 2011 @ 10:26 am

  4. I stopped commenting cause wordpress wanted us to log in to some stupid website. I log in enough.

    Comment by al — September 21, 2011 @ 9:38 pm

  5. what 18 year old would ever say “Today I’m a man, and it’s time to cut off part of my dick?”

    Comment by doug — September 22, 2011 @ 4:23 pm

  6. Seems like stem cells should be able to fix this.

    Comment by Lyle_S — September 22, 2011 @ 5:45 pm

  7. In Muslim countries and Jewish tradition, I believe, makes circumcision anpassage to manhood. At 14 or so your parents throw a party and a priest brings a pair of scissors. But the question is good for those who aren’t sucked into a religious dogma.

    Comment by Rolston — September 22, 2011 @ 7:28 pm

  8. Donzo alerted me to the new demands on readership. I don’t know how it happened. Not something I required

    Comment by Rolston — September 22, 2011 @ 7:30 pm

  9. I do have a friend who got circumsized at 14 because he wasn’t being hygenic enough

    Comment by doug — September 23, 2011 @ 10:43 am

  10. A friend, doug?

    Comment by Donzo — September 24, 2011 @ 8:46 am

  11. Snap

    Comment by Rolston — September 25, 2011 @ 11:00 am


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