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My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

May 27, 2010

getting nervous

Oggy sent me a letter of reference to submit at my hearing in front of the Police. June 6th the public can speak for or against the city issuing me a junk gatherer’s permit. In classic junk man fashion, I am sending him a few pairs of used slacks as a thank you. Tell me if I should really present them with this endorsement.

“To whom it may concern:

I want to express my support for Jon Rolston’s application to become a licensed junk gatherer in San Francisco. He is a valuable and noble addition to the city’s pool of independent business owners and he represents everything that is great and beautiful about our country. I have known Jon Rolston for 20 years and I have worked with him and seen him in many different modes of relaxation and industry and he has always exhibited a character that is dynamic and original. Never a mindless follower of convention or an obedient drone, Jon walks to the beat of a different drummer and is a leader and revolutionary in his chose trade of junk merchandising. Here are the top reasons to approve Mr. Rolston’s application:

1. Jon Rolston is respectful. He may park illegally from time to time but he always says he’s sorry to the motorists who honk at him and he also occasionally overpays at parking meters so that balances it out.
2. Jon Rolston never saw a piece of trash that didn’t have some use. When he goes to the dump he says he “feels like he’s at an animal shelter” and sees the pieces of rusting and rotting trash that are destined for a pit in the ground as cute, precious, fuzzy bunnies on the brink of extermination. How many people can say that?
3. You know when you get those annoying envelopes on your windshield saying you need to send money to a “parking enforcement” office? Well, instead of throwing them away like a normal person, Jon actually sends the money. This alone is evidence of his amazingly humanistic worldview.
4. Jon doesn’t leave trash behind him. He’s not like those disgusting hobos who multiply like vermin and dig through recycling bins to get cans and bottles to fund their heroin addiction. No, Jon cleans garages and fixes fans and washes behind the ears of mankind. He is the pied piper of junk.
5. Jon is an equal opportunity employer. Sometimes he can’t do the work alone. He might be almost seven feet tall with a size 13 shoe but he’s only one man and when he needs an extra pair of hands to move a furnace or break some concrete or throw bags of excrement into his truck, Jon will hire anyone regardless of sexual orientation or nationality or physical deformities. He wants to help and he does not discriminate. When you approve Mr. Rolston’s application everyone wins!

Please approve his application and rest assured that Jon Rolston will conduct himself by the letter of the law and fulfill his obligation to the license board and his community.

Sincerely,

Oggy Bleacher”

4 Comments

  1. Flattering letter of recommendation although I am not sure if it will be received that way by the authorities! If there is a lie detector involved Oggy will be held for perjury.

    Comment by chrome1 — May 28, 2010 @ 8:53 am

  2. Charming.

    Comment by School kids — May 28, 2010 @ 11:05 am

  3. The city should lick your balls for even bothering to apply for a permit.

    Comment by Lyle_S — May 28, 2010 @ 12:30 pm

  4. I wish I was giving out prizes for comment of the day. Lyle’d win.

    Comment by Rolston — May 28, 2010 @ 9:54 pm

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