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tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

July 31, 2008

no man is an island, but some men are no man’s land

its been an interesting month, turning 35, breaking up with my lady, getting back together, spraining my ankle, getting lots of work, putting a shovel-full of coke up my nose, wondering how it will all end…

I’m a free-lancer. I don’t have any work scheduled ever again as of today. I don’t have a job. Most people can’t handle that, they want to wake up and know where they are going and how much money they will deposit against their mortgage. I can deal with the unknown. I don’t like it, I get scared too, but I don’t have anyone relying on me. No wife, no kids, no parents to support. Someone might call me tomorrow and ask me to move a bunch of garbage for them. Or bring cameras and lights to a location. Or pick up a couch somewhere and take it somewhere else. Each day is a mystery to me.

My parents are driving from New Hampshire to Ohio today, to visit my half uncle. My father’s half brother. He had a son named John Rolston, who committed suicide about my age. We all went to his funeral. I kept the Catholic calling card that had his name embossed alongside the funeral home. There’s a million different ways my life could have ended up.

I live in a city, with no family a thousand miles around. I can get lonely and go to a bar and look up and down that long plank of polyurethaned wood and look for someone to fuck, but that won’t help. I’d rather stay at home and read until I pass out on the couch. I’ve always enjoyed loneliness. It hurts, but I like how it hurts. I’m just not interested in people being too close. No man is an island, but some men are no man’s land. Can you dig it?


  1. free lance….dig it….as a gemini(on those days that i feel like giving my life up to that ancient art of tossing my everything up to the stars) i thirst for solitude….i am the twins constantly battling for the perfect balance of social mayhem and thick, rich, luscious solitude…but the difference between solitude and loneliness?! wow. heavy. can you dig it???

    p.s.thanks for the donuts
    p.p.s.let’s go on a mini adventure with all of our mutual free time…

    Comment by sarah bean — July 31, 2008 @ 10:30 pm

  2. I dig it.

    Comment by Michael — August 1, 2008 @ 1:19 am

  3. g

    Comment by mr, pooperlooper — August 2, 2008 @ 6:20 pm

  4. e

    Comment by mr, pooperlooper — August 2, 2008 @ 6:21 pm

  5. I don’t get it poops.

    Comment by Rolston — August 2, 2008 @ 11:12 pm

  6. dig it. i think it’s a good idea that you chose the couch over the long bar, too. lonliness is a lot prettier pain if you endure it lonely style. not as pretty with an unknown person laying at your side. that’s lonely, sad.

    Comment by molly — August 3, 2008 @ 4:16 pm

  7. right, it’s the lonely that feels good, the way when the fog rolls in so thick out here in the Richmond I can’t see my car across the street and it seems like there’s no use going outside, so i lay down in bed and read, go to the kitchen and make tea, draw a few pictures at my desk. It doesn’t feel like a moment was wasted. The weather isolates you.

    Comment by Rolston — August 4, 2008 @ 10:12 pm

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