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tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

June 8, 2008

price check

Sean came up with a great idea. Home Depot should sell beer. Pallets stacked with cases. It’d be their best seller. They could have a V.I.P contractor’s lounge with the Makita tool girls in bikinis with tool belts on serving drinks. What do you with an awesome idea? Blog about it? Doesn’t seem enough.

9 Comments

  1. looks like home depot, they moved the one here and put it in the omni mall place, a christmas tree shop is now bein built , my point is, i used to bring my dog there, and now I can’t, I asked why, they said “We sell candy now, and it is considered food.” I went to buy some 1/2 inch rebar, they come in 10 ‘ long, I had the car not the van, and asked them to cut it, they said “We don’t cut rebar, But we rent bolt cutters” livid i went and grabbed a battery from the drill and put it in the sawzall, took a blade out of the packet, and cut it in a mad rage, fuckem big box

    Comment by hooperlooper — June 8, 2008 @ 7:04 pm

  2. Is that the only business in the Omni mall place? I’m surprised to hear that wasn’t leveled. That has to be one of the quickest real estate failures in Portsmouth. What did that mall last, 3 months?

    Comment by Lyle_s — June 9, 2008 @ 11:00 am

  3. The Omni Mall looked like a warehouse. What a weird thing that was. I think it even had concrete floors, right? Twenty foot ceilings, unfinished walls, whoever financed that expected the mall to fail and wanted it to be easily converted to the next dumb idea.

    Comment by Rolston — June 9, 2008 @ 12:41 pm

  4. oh yeah, did anyone mention you shouldn’t be operating the sawzall in the aisle?

    Comment by Rolston — June 9, 2008 @ 12:42 pm

  5. actually Lyle, home depot leveled the whole deal, now EMS is sharing the lot with home depot, only now walmart sells the polymer kayaks for 200 bucks. Making the 900 dollar kayaks harder to buy

    Comment by hooperlooper — June 9, 2008 @ 3:54 pm

  6. christmas tree shop leveled the old home depot, for there china ware

    Comment by hooperlooper — June 9, 2008 @ 3:56 pm

  7. Now that I think about it, I knew this already!

    When I got back from Hungary in 1994, I worked odd jobs through a temp agency over the holidays. One of my assignments was to work the Home Depot parking lot December 23rd and 24th. I’m pretty sure it was a Home Depot. Do the dates line up?

    Anyhow, there were two of us working the lot, corralling shopping carts and returning them to the store. Me and a retarded guy who wore stirrups and a fake sheriff’s hat. I forget what his name was, Sheriff Dave or something like that.

    Sheriff Dave was a madman on the carts. We had pouring rain on Christmas Eve but that didn’t slow down Dave. He was all over the lot, grabbin’ carts and bunching them together. Problem was that Dave, being retarded and all, didn’t put much strategy into collecting the carts. So, if there was a cart sitting by itself 500 yards away from the store, the sheriff rustled it in and brought it back to the ranch. It didn’t matter if it was the only cart in the lot, he was on it.

    This gave the our work breakdown a look that made it seem particularly lopsided, as my approach was to let carts build up to a level I felt dictated the need for a cleanup run. The 40 degree weather and pounding rain had a lot to do with that. I tried to share the strategy with the sheriff but he was too busy chasing down leaving shoppers and bringing their carts to justice to listen to my reasoning. It was this unbalanced appearance that caused the store manager to pull me aside and chastise me for letting the sheriff do all the work.

    Not being particularly interested in a long term career at Home Depot, I was happy to give it to the man straight. “Hey, if that retard wants to run all over the fucking lot in the pouring rain, who am I to tell him otherwise? I don’t fuck with the law.” That was my last day at Home Depot.

    Comment by Lyle_s — June 10, 2008 @ 8:15 am

  8. ha a haha ha was it danny zimmerman, joey wormwood, seth epperson, kid with the big head, I’m all done fuckin with the sheriff as well, jail sucks,

    Comment by hooperlooper — June 12, 2008 @ 6:30 pm

  9. You left out Bobby Finney and the kid who could tell you what day of the week any date would fall on. I feel shame just writing this comment.

    Comment by Lyle_s — June 13, 2008 @ 8:22 am

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