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tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

February 23, 2008

mystery solved

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i’ve been with fifty or sixty women and they’re never in my experience morning people. not on a saturday. oh, women. i get excited just looking at their shoes. ever wonder about that? i guess it’s like a dog hearing a bell ring. there was a guy Pavlov who rang a bell every time he fed his dogs. Got to a point where they’d drool just hearin’ the ding ding ding. i’m like that when i hear heels clickin’.

i was talkin’ bout saturday mornin’s…why do you figure they don’t want to get up? we’re animals, i know that. so i’m thinkin’ they’re like momma deers who want to stay hid in the bushes and watch their young. it’s my nature to get up and prowl around.

“let’s sleep in tomorrow,” they say. they need to plan it. build the day around stayin’ under the covers. maybe it’s because they’re so cold all the time. cold to start too, if you catch me. you gotta rub all over ’em for twenty or thirty minutes and then you kiss them and start rubbing in earnest like some ritual that was involved with gettin’ an old fly wheel driven John Deere to fire. but women aren’t machines. they’re a type of animal.

usually if i want to catch an animal i lie real still till it gets close and i shoot it. again, that’s not how you operate with women. so i don’t know how to explain it. you’re lying in bed and never sure if they are gonna slap your hand away. so you move real slow and that makes you feel like maybe they’re asleep and you’re doing something wrong. for me it could be a done deal in about three minutes but to get a woman involved is an exercise in patience. could be that’s why saturday morning lasts so long.

i’ve heard it said they are forward thinkers, they plan two or three moves ahead where a man thinks things are happenin’ spontaneously. in plain english i’m saying they are committin’ you to an extended time in bed without risk of you fallin’ asleep. they want to go at it like rabbits four or five times in a row. i’m glad we talked this out, because now i’m startin’ to understand why no woman is a morning person on saturday. here i was thinkin’ they were lazy. they wanna bone.

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