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My Robot Is Pregnant theme song!

tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

May 18, 2007


This afternoon in Daly City, Mr. Bees showed the third graders how a beehive works, and how a beekeeper removes the honey from it. Shortly after the show, one boy handed him these ribbons. Mr. Bees asked what they were for.

“One is for you, and the rest you give to the bees.”

Mr. Bees had a great time because the students had so many questions and really wanted to know how did bees eat, and what color is their favorite, and if the girls do all the work, what do the boy bees do?

That was hard to explain. The truth is, colloquially, the boys from all the hives hang out in the “drone zone”, a sunny place in the neighborhood that’s in the fresh air but out of the wind and they have a gang bang with virgin queens, who then return to the hive and lay eggs all day every day for the next two years until it kills them. As far as the boys and how they make out…the bee penis gets stuck in the queen and they die “in the saddle”.

Which Mr. Bees knew to be the wrong approach. Mr. Bees wasn’t able to think of the word reproduce. So he looked up at the ceiling, and said, “flowers need each other to pollinate…” and then Mr. Bees looked at the teacher, Mr. Burnett, and asked, “How much science have they had?”

Then someone raised their hand and said “I caught some killer bees.”

“Thank God” Mr. Bees said.


A prompt thank you note from the same student who had prepared the seven ribbons. He has illustrated the lesson on smoking bees in order to take the honey. Note the smoke scribbles, and the fleeing bee in the bottom right.




  1. My Wife is so proud of you. Gotta give it back.

    Comment by al — May 19, 2007 @ 6:53 am

  2. Mr. Bees!!! Awesome! I hope you are planning to do this at more schools!

    Comment by K — May 19, 2007 @ 4:43 pm

  3. Mr. Bees – I think this guy needs some character development for the homeless show. He could live in the woods off of bee honey and only come into the city to kill people (and maybe educate elementary school children).

    Comment by Lyle_s — May 19, 2007 @ 6:09 pm

  4. yo! the teacher’s name is BURNETT, and that’s MR. thanks buddy

    Comment by philly b — May 19, 2007 @ 6:55 pm

  5. You’re so cool, Jon. You’re my beekeeping inspiration. My bees died over the winter and I can’t figure out why. But I got new ones, and they seem to be doing OK.

    Comment by Rachel — May 20, 2007 @ 4:24 pm

  6. Man, you rock. So versatile! We need to finish the bus ad. I’m leaving soon! I hope you play a show before the end of the month and I can come see it.

    Comment by johno — May 21, 2007 @ 8:16 pm

  7. Thanks brother! I would love to get the bus ad finished as soon as I get home. Do you want to work with me? I have Illustrator, if you know how to use that, which is supposed to be better for text, or we could do it in Photoshop, which I’m more familiar with.

    Where are you headed to?

    Comment by jon — May 22, 2007 @ 6:53 am

  8. And thanks to you too Rachel! Don’t worry about the bees, my first bunch died the first winter as well.

    Comment by jon — May 22, 2007 @ 8:34 am

  9. i can’t stand you anymore.

    Comment by mimsy lou — May 22, 2007 @ 12:02 pm

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