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tough guy poetry and manly stories of loneliness
all contents copyright Jon Rolston 2004, 2005, 2006

March 25, 2007

give money to handicapped horses

mattelone.jpg

This gem from 1979 is useful for handicapping thoroughbred horses. I’m not exactly sure what that means, since I only go to the track for the dollar hot dogs. Once there I’m know to hang out by the urinals. That’s where the real money gets made.

Why bet on a handicapped horse? Makes no sense to me. Of course they are all beautiful creatures, but when you’re betting on a horse to win a race, here’s a tip: don’t be picking the one in a wheelchair. Unless it’s a wheelchair race.

Any fucking way, I shot this photo because my Mattel horse race analyzer is going up on ebay. Too many photos on ebay are boring! Check how I threw a stack of cash in the background here. Work at the junk mail factory is clearly rubbing off on me. I had to crop out the fifth of Jim Beam due to size constraints, but do you really even need to see it to know it’s there? Nope.

Horse_Racve_Analyzer_1979_001.jpg
Here’s the competition’s photo. It’s like a K*Mart flyer vs. an L.L. Bean catalogue.

7 Comments

  1. No comparison! Keep us posted as to what the winning bid is on both items.

    Comment by Lyle_s — March 25, 2007 @ 5:43 pm

  2. Imagine if you could actually demonstrate that photograph quality has an impact on the final bid price on eBay items. There might be a market there…

    Comment by Lyle_s — March 25, 2007 @ 5:45 pm

  3. I rolled the chopping block from the kitchen into my bedroom so my tripod would be high enough to look down on the desk I shot this on. So I was standing on a stool and had three clip lights set up at different angles to control the shadows. Of course I forgot to set the color balance so it has a yellow glow, but that fits in with the 1970’s era that this came from.

    I think most people who sell on ebay would consider all that a waste of time. The guy who’s photo I used for comparison just set his on his carpet. You can tell better in other pictures.

    We’ll see how the public responds.

    BTW Lyle, it will be good to have you to write with, since I tend to take things too literally, and you can come up with scenes like the cat food diaper. Sometimes I get bogged down in reality.

    Comment by jon — March 25, 2007 @ 10:26 pm

  4. Just heard an interesting story on the news. In Wisconsin, neighbors of a 79 year old man felt his home was a nuisance so they petitioned the city to tear it down and they won. Now this guy is homeless. He lives in a broken down minivan on his vacant lot.

    Comment by Lyle_s — March 27, 2007 @ 7:03 pm

  5. Hey Lyle, did you hear Oggy wants to join our script writing team? I don’t want to reveal too much here, but let’s say he knows a thing or two about living in a broken down mini-van with a bitch who has given birth to seven puppies. And a girl friend who can’t keep herself out of the cookie dough dumpster.

    This guys legit. But Oggy, are you ready to have your scenes turned into crass mockeries of noble intent? Springboards for deviant brainstorms? Blackface treatment of a national disgrace?

    That’s all we can offer…welcome aboard, I say! What about you Lyle?

    Comment by jon — March 27, 2007 @ 8:09 pm

  6. I’m into it. I don’t have more than 4 minutes of material inside my head at the moment. Hopefully the movement will build and the team will grow. Perhaps Oggy will be the spark that turns a creative writing exercise into a lucrative entertainment option and Oggy will be able to buy a new van.

    Welcome aboard!

    Jon, can you create a new section of your website to hold this project?

    Comment by Lyle_s — March 28, 2007 @ 7:07 pm

  7. thought we could just keep it going in the comments section, but it makes sense to put it elsewhere. I will try to figure out how to make a page where you and others have a password to post things. In the meantime, I guess just email what you write and I can upload it.

    Comment by jon — March 28, 2007 @ 7:29 pm

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